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UnsaintedCali
Guest
As many have already mentioned, I think it is definitely possible to have physical attraction without a mental connection. It's not anything I am able to pursue myself though. I need that connection. Initial physical attraction amounts to nothing if I don't/can't enjoy who the person is. Often times it's that physical attraction mentality that is glorified in media, film, tv, etc. Not that there is anything wrong with it, I just think that sometimes it can get in the way of hopes and expectations for those of us who value that mental connection. The evolution of a relationship that starts as one thing and blooms into something else with no expectations. Just building on getting to know each other with a solid foundation.
I do appreciate your viewpoints @Busty_Nerd and value the nuance you brought with your answer.
@SubSoph I agree that mental connections can be stronger and longer lasting. The feeling that comes from being understood... From being able to be your true self and have that be loved and appreciated is the best thing in the world. Thank you for your thoughtful question. <3
I certainly think there is and it is quite common. One can be physically attracted to another without knowing the other person at all. I imagine this is how many (not saying all) one night stands happen.
Personally, I can definitely be physically attracted to someone, but to REALLY be attracted to a person I have to have some sort of mental connection. Don't need their life story or anything, but I have to experience a bond or connection with her. Sharing some common views, having some similar likes, being able to interact with each other, be open with each other (this is build over time, of course), and being playful with each other are things I seek in building a mental connection with someone. Some physical attraction must be there for me in order to form a mental connection... otherwise it just doesn't work for me.
I've said it before, but I can find someone very attractive and absolutely ravishing until she opens her mouth or I see how she acts. If she talks down to people, is demanding, or talks only about herself, then my physical attraction is gone for her. Similarly if she treats people bad, uses people, acts self-centered, is arrogant, or is pushy, then I am like fuck no, I don't want anything to do with her. I can still find her looks appealing, but I won't be attracted to her in any way, shape, or form.
Hope this provides some decent thoughts on your question. : )
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SubSoph
Guest
What is an automatic deal-breaker in a relationship, or a friendship?
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UnsaintedCali
Guest
I may come back to edit this because it's 1:40am.
But for me, intentional deceit and manipulation. If someone has to obfuscate and gaslight, it means there's some kind of communication issue.
For relationships, it's clingyness, expecting me to text you all day long, expecting messages the moment you text me. I can't deal with people who constantly need this. I have a life out a relationship and I need my independence.
For Friendships people who are flaky, who make plans with you then cancel at the last minute all the time because they find something better to do. People who constantly ask for favors but never do any for you / people who use you for things but can't be bothered to return the favor. People who can't make time for you, but they make time for other people.
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Shy_Canuck
Guest
Yes, I totally support online relationships. I am the same offline and online. As my name says, I am slow to open up but not to everyone online
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