I will try and post another confession here.
As my previous story, I want to try and put something into words, about my thoughts and feelings.
Right now I am on holiday with my family, I can off course focus on them and be present in the moment.
But a little part of me is always thinking about what, this very special woman that I have met in the chat is doing? When is my next chance to write her? See her? Or even hear her!
A few nights ago, I got the chance to talk to her, I took the opportunity immediately! I enjoyed every second talking with her! Not because the conversation was sexually. But because it was so stimulating. We are a lot a like! Share interests and will almost be able to finish up a sentence for each other. Her intellect sparks me! For me intelligence is such a huge turn on, probably because I have always hoped, someone would feel like that about me!
Now to the serious part! She scares me! My own thoughts scares me, because talking to her I feel so empowered! Being without her I feel powerless, vulnerable, especially to my own jealousy! And this is exactly why she scares me, but also why I am not sure if I can ever stop our relationship. Once she hurt me, I felt something I never thought I would feel again! A sort of teenage heartbreak sensation, where she had me play with her while slowly being lured into sex with another man, her conversation towards me died and I felt so alone that night! The next day when she revealed it, I was broken, she assured me that it was a mistake, but I felt used, like a tool that had pushed her into the arms of another man.
For a few days I was devastated, didn’t know what to do, if I wanted to end my relationship with her, but I had already built such deep feelings and desire for her. I couldn’t resist her, I tried, but writing with her a few days later, it all came back, the warm sensation from her messages and the sparkling conversations, her getting me to feel like the man I have wished to feel like for years, attractive, intelligent, desirable! It is such a cliche, but something my younger self has always envied my friends, when going out and talking to women.
Sometimes I imagine my life, meeting her before my current life started, would things have been different? Would we fit the same?
I do think that our lives have made us more compatible, and more an image of each others than years ago.
But this is why she scares me, because I cannot resist her! That I always fear that she will loose interest, find someone else, someone that can fulfill her dreams, complete her life, but also who doesn’t have this downside that I feel my jealousy is! Because on one side I want her so bad!!! And on the other side I don’t wish to destroy my family.
And I know that if she would meet someone and end things, I would be absolutely heartbroken, I would miss her deeply, I would cry and I would feel like I lost a truly special person, and someone that found a huge place in my heart. Although all of the above, so we are always struggling with mixed and conflicting confused emotions! Yet we both know they are there somewhere!
I am currently on holiday, missing her texting me and being able to text her back every single day! But sometimes seeing a picture from her, sparks me, lights me up. Or just a message hearing about her day!
Although having to be careful on my holiday, also makes me feel that I am not giving her the attention she deserves from me. But I hope I will soon have that opportunity again.
A large trail of thoughts written down. Getting them off my chest. Do have a lot more. So enjoy the read
As my previous story, I want to try and put something into words, about my thoughts and feelings.
Right now I am on holiday with my family, I can off course focus on them and be present in the moment.
But a little part of me is always thinking about what, this very special woman that I have met in the chat is doing? When is my next chance to write her? See her? Or even hear her!
A few nights ago, I got the chance to talk to her, I took the opportunity immediately! I enjoyed every second talking with her! Not because the conversation was sexually. But because it was so stimulating. We are a lot a like! Share interests and will almost be able to finish up a sentence for each other. Her intellect sparks me! For me intelligence is such a huge turn on, probably because I have always hoped, someone would feel like that about me!
Now to the serious part! She scares me! My own thoughts scares me, because talking to her I feel so empowered! Being without her I feel powerless, vulnerable, especially to my own jealousy! And this is exactly why she scares me, but also why I am not sure if I can ever stop our relationship. Once she hurt me, I felt something I never thought I would feel again! A sort of teenage heartbreak sensation, where she had me play with her while slowly being lured into sex with another man, her conversation towards me died and I felt so alone that night! The next day when she revealed it, I was broken, she assured me that it was a mistake, but I felt used, like a tool that had pushed her into the arms of another man.
For a few days I was devastated, didn’t know what to do, if I wanted to end my relationship with her, but I had already built such deep feelings and desire for her. I couldn’t resist her, I tried, but writing with her a few days later, it all came back, the warm sensation from her messages and the sparkling conversations, her getting me to feel like the man I have wished to feel like for years, attractive, intelligent, desirable! It is such a cliche, but something my younger self has always envied my friends, when going out and talking to women.
Sometimes I imagine my life, meeting her before my current life started, would things have been different? Would we fit the same?
I do think that our lives have made us more compatible, and more an image of each others than years ago.
But this is why she scares me, because I cannot resist her! That I always fear that she will loose interest, find someone else, someone that can fulfill her dreams, complete her life, but also who doesn’t have this downside that I feel my jealousy is! Because on one side I want her so bad!!! And on the other side I don’t wish to destroy my family.
And I know that if she would meet someone and end things, I would be absolutely heartbroken, I would miss her deeply, I would cry and I would feel like I lost a truly special person, and someone that found a huge place in my heart. Although all of the above, so we are always struggling with mixed and conflicting confused emotions! Yet we both know they are there somewhere!
I am currently on holiday, missing her texting me and being able to text her back every single day! But sometimes seeing a picture from her, sparks me, lights me up. Or just a message hearing about her day!
Although having to be careful on my holiday, also makes me feel that I am not giving her the attention she deserves from me. But I hope I will soon have that opportunity again.
A large trail of thoughts written down. Getting them off my chest. Do have a lot more. So enjoy the read
An almost love letter-y post like that would at least make my knees into pudding, you seem like a true romantic at heart, who maybe just needed the right circumstances to let it show. She's a lucky girl 
so thought I would save it as a draft and return, only to figure out, nothing was saved 
. But still I needed so much to confess. But I have told her how special she is to me 
. How much I care for her 
(though I would never use fcn to write drafts in, too finicky!)
Since I'm on here for horniness, I probably preferred the previous post most, but I'd imagine she would prefer this one (even though this has more focus on the heartbreak she caused you, which must be hard to read, even though it might be a gentle reminder to be more mindful in the future 
It seems like you do the same, although it is undoubtedly easier to get attention to get your mind off other things when you have tits 
