Advice and Opinion What is Friendship?

Corsair48

Corsair48

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FCN Regular
There have been times in my life where I have felt like I didn't fit in anywhere, when it seemed like I did not have any friends. There have been times when I have wanted friends so badly that I started telling myself things that were clearly not true. I do have friends, but not close friends. There are people who have a positive regard for me, but I kept telling myself that there was more than that. Wanting to believe it has been making me miserable. I have to accept things they way they are without embellishing them and make the most of it.

I know there are people who appreciate and even enjoy my contributions (here and at other social media sites) and who may even be influenced by them. But, surely, there is more to friendship than just this appreciation. Which only begs the question, what is friendship?
 
Normally, true friends take time. It is only after you have had many expirience with a person and you feel confident that a true friendship is born.
Friendship is love, and in love you seek for the sake of others. Not always the other person will feel the same, and thats okey.
If you wanna find a true friend you need to search it and fight for it, but with love. Dont force it but also dont let it go so easly. Find your middle point and go out there to try. You will fail many times, and its okey. Sometimes its not the treasure but the journey that is more interesting.
Good luck
 
You sound like me Corsair. Friendship is a bond, for most folks it's an easy relationship that has a lot of surface emotion and compatriotism. However, that doesn't mean that you have to accept that or that it works for you. I personally have many acquaintances, I have very few true friends, mostly because I have a skewed vision of loyalty. It was forged in the military, and made steel by the MOS that I held. It's really hard for me to make real friends, because I have way too high an expectation of what a friend is.

It may be that you, like me suffer from this affliction. If so, you may never have a friend that is "good enough". It sucks because we that live like that tend to miss the others around us that view us as true friends. I know that doesn't answer your question, exactly, but hopefully it will help you understand your dilemma.
 
Stephen Ambrose wrote of Dwight David Eisenhower, that he had a talent for friendship. I do not have the same gifts that Ike had. I often feel like my quiet personality gets in the way of friendship, and there are moments when I feel like I have no friends. To have friends, it seems, you have to be able to connect with people, and to connect with people you need to be able to talk to them.

As I said in the op, there are times when I find myself wondering what friendship is, what it means. I have my ideas of what I would want a friend to be, and I try to be that kind of friend, but it often seems as if few people view friendship the same way. I know that there are people who have a positive regard for me, and who appreciate my contributions -- my photography and my writing. At the same time, it seems that we are separated by the coral reef that is my quiet personality.

One reason I like social media is that the ability to communicate with people via the Web has been liberating for me. Those who have known me only through the online discussions they have had with me may be surprised at how quiet I can be in a face to face meeting. Those who have met me face to face, may marvel at how much I have to say when I am writing posts in social media.

Another thing, I have never felt like "one of the guys." I did not and do not know how to be "one of the guys" and I much preferred to be around girls -- I had my first crush when I was in first grade. I have found that I just feel more at ease around girls and women than I do around other guys.
 
Corsair48 said:
There have been times in my life where I have felt like I didn't fit in anywhere, when it seemed like I did not have any friends. There have been times when I have wanted friends so badly that I started telling myself things that were clearly not true. I do have friends, but not close friends. There are people who have a positive regard for me, but I kept telling myself that there was more than that. Wanting to believe it has been making me miserable. I have to accept things they way they are without embellishing them and make the most of it.

I know there are people who appreciate and even enjoy my contributions (here and at other social media sites) and who may even be influenced by them. But, surely, there is more to friendship than just this appreciation. Which only begs the question, what is friendship?
Click to expand...
I don't think friendship is something that is just black or white. Because there are many forms of friendship, all over the spectrum. Each friendship will have a different dymanic.

There are friends who are a little beyond aquaintance. You interact with them, Hang out, chat about common interests, life, hobbies, gossip etc. It's very casual, probably not that often, and not an emotional connection.

Then there are friends you get really close with. But life doesn't always allow frequent contact. But if the bond is true and deep, you can go months without talking, but just pick right back up like there was no time distance. Neither of you are dependent on frequent contact and don't feel that the amount of contact dictates whether the friendship is true or not. You are confident in what you have.

Then there are best friends. And you will know when you have officially made a best friend. Because you will love them and begin to see them as family. Dear to your heart.
Generally I think best friends tend to spend lots of time with each other. (If life allows it)
You become very dependent on a best friend, emotionally.
 
I have friends that suit different needs I have and most people do too. There are friends I talk to every day, friends I (used) to see every weekend (before quarantine) and friends who just interact with my statuses or say hi to me if they see me someplace. I think there are levels of friendship. Some are casual friends and some are best friends. And they are all necessary and important. Some friends may move on from your life and as we age I think it's harder to make friends unless you're a very social person who does a lot of big events or something. I don't think it's fair to judge all friendship under one umbrella and go "well this person doesn't call me every day, so they aren't my friend!" which I think is ridiculous. I think everyone gets busy with their own life, but we're all still friends. If somebody needs something from me, or they just wanna talk, or they want to check on me they know where to find me. But I'm not going to hang out in their Dms all the time and be like "hai what are you doing why do you never message me are you my friend because we never talk for hours!" if they never message me ever, then maybe that's a problem.
 
Friendship is about having friends to talk to, friends who actually show some interest in you and vice versa.
 
Like friendship, I think there are different degrees of love, from a general love of community or of humankind at one end to the love you have for your one and only at the other end, with many levels in between.
 
If you have to ask what is friendship, then you've not experienced it yet. True friendship is one that you and another human being enjoy each other's company without expecting anything in return. Like a pet, except human, and you don't have to feed, and shelter them. lol A friend is one that accepts you the way you are, no matter how weird, or, odd you may be. lol:p:cool:

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I kinda thought I had experienced true friendship, but a long time ago, in a very different phase of life -- that unique place known as high school.

But, yeah, if you have to ask what true friendship is, there is a problem somewhere.
 
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