Banter Why Are They Single?

This has been posted by me before on this thread at some point, but it always cracks me up. He is the “this guy” guy. What does that mean? He always asks his dates, “Who has two thumbs and loves to have fun?” *Points his two thumbs at himself* “This guy”!
Kind of funny in the beginning but by the fifth time of “Who has two thumbs and wants another cocktail? THIS GUY”!
“Who has two thumbs and wants to really have sex with you? THIS GUY”!!
Who has two thumbs and is sick of hearing who has two thumbs? *Waves his hand over all the people in FCN*. “These people. And your dates.”
 
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Guy hits on me more than O8 ever did (and we're supposed to be imaginarily married!), and yet hes with one of the most quoted women that was ever on here. What has 2 thumbs and shouldnt be with him? *This guy*. Spending all your time chasing this sloth isnt going to get ya anywhere other than in trouble with Heidi...(I dont think I ever quoted her...maybe I should so she stays at the top of my imaginary list).
 
Guy literally cannot get out of his own way. What does that mean, Fildo? Glad you asked. He walks into damn near every glass door like you see on the YouTube ideas thinking they are open. I don’t know what it is but you would think after once or twice, he would realists that buildings just don’t have an opening in them where a window or door should be. The guy is a walking gif or meme waiting to happen.
 
He’s that “That’s a shot” guy. What do you mean, Fildo? Glad you asked because I am going to explain it. When something is said that he really likes or agrees with, he slaps the table and yells, “That’s a shot!”. For example, if he mentions to his date that he loves four wheeling and getting all muddy and shit and she responds that she loves it also. She has her son four wheeler even. *Slaps table* “That’s a shot!!”. Or how he just loves a big, fat juicy steak. She also loves a big, fat juicy steak. *slaps table* “That’s a shot!”.
Eventually, the table slapping stops because he is alone at the bar. As he tells the bartender, “Get me a Brandy Old Fashion to drown my sorrows.”
He hears a soft voice behind him, “That’s my favorite drink.”
*Slaps the bar*….
Here we go.
 
In keeping with his theme...
His dick hangs low
It wobbles to and fro
He can tie it in a knot, he can tie it in a bow
He can throw it over his shoulder like a continental soldier
Cause his dick hanggggs lowwww :D

Edit: dammit wrong thread...ok he's single because he ties it in a knot lol
 
She needed a new truck to haul the latest "hunting" prey...and well, they had a really nice one...she also happens to have someguy do her laundry pretty much constantly, and never gets it back, so she never has anything to wear on dates, literally nothing...which isnt bad, but she can never get into the restaurant without a shirt on.
 
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