Shitty ditties...

Spangle said:
Oh dear hubby you are mistaken
That man's pole was already taken
I worked my way up, north not south
To find Amberdoll had him in her mouth
I slid back down with a long sigh
To find Bombaybadboy saying hiii
He said gimme fii dollar an I will play
Well I was aghast, what could I say?
I gave his offer some serious thought
Before saying dude I'm a little short
How bout tu dollar if I cum fast
We haggled a bit and then at last
We settled on free dollar for some licks
And a little ass play in the mix :p
Click to expand...
Oh sorry my lovely Spankums I didn't stay to see
I thought the only two there were just you and he
Now I know it wasn't you being naughty with him at all
But rather Amberdoll was the one with her mouthful
Although im not too sure about this Bombaybadboy
Wanting you to pay him so he could be your latest sex toy
For a start I think fii dollar for your services was a little low
If I had been your negotiator Id have told him where to go
The fact you paid HIM free whole dollar for all your naughty fun
Im surprised you didn't come to an agreement and just give him one
I hope he licked you Spanky my dear and not the other way round
Im uneasy imagining you tasting him and making that slurping sound
As for the ass play I hope you laid off the baked beans for a bit
If not there's a chance whatever he slid in you is covered in s**t
Still my dear wife im worried with our cash a bit short already
How we're going to afford to bulk buy our bog roll and shreddies ️xx:):)xx
 
Dear hubby it was your fault as you were watching telly
The man upon the screen he turned my legs to jelly
He made me think of long ago, of many moons gone by
I couldn't have been very old, maybe shoulder high
He was the star of a show which made my senses twitch
I left it there but then I grew into a randy bitch
I used to watch the re-runs often late at night
Where Steve and Danno got into a rather tricky plight
And as I watched I'd feel myself getting rather hot
I'd reach under the duvet and rub my special spot
Many years have come and gone since last I saw his face
But when I saw him on the tv I felt all out of place
I dressed up in my underwear, the red ones that you like
But you looked me up and down and said 'babe but you're a dyke'
My need was very urgent, my panties were on fire
Amberdoll was not around to douse my hot desire
And then I saw the BT man looking oh so dashing
But seeing Amber on his pole my dreams came down a-crashing
My little Prince was waiting with his skin mahogany brown
And on his face, the wee poor lamb, he wore a little frown
It seemed he'd lost his bus pass, at least that's what he said
So I told him that I'd pay him if he'd give me head
So my dear, that is how, this incident came to pass
Though I admit he got quite hard and f****d me up the ass
We were going at it great guns, really getting down
Until I farted long and hard and shot him back to town
I was sad to see him go, in fact my face was rather pale
But I smiled and scored myself a 9 on the old fart scale :p
 
Spangle said:
Dear hubby it was your fault as you were watching telly
The man upon the screen he turned my legs to jelly
He made me think of long ago, of many moons gone by
I couldn't have been very old, maybe shoulder high
He was the star of a show which made my senses twitch
I left it there but then I grew into a randy bitch
I used to watch the re-runs often late at night
Where Steve and Danno got into a rather tricky plight
And as I watched I'd feel myself getting rather hot
I'd reach under the duvet and rub my special spot
Many years have come and gone since last I saw his face
But when I saw him on the tv I felt all out of place
I dressed up in my underwear, the red ones that you like
But you looked me up and down and said 'babe but you're a dyke'
My need was very urgent, my panties were on fire
Amberdoll was not around to douse my hot desire
And then I saw the BT man looking oh so dashing
But seeing Amber on his pole my dreams came down a-crashing
My little Prince was waiting with his skin mahogany brown
And on his face, the wee poor lamb, he wore a little frown
It seemed he'd lost his bus pass, at least that's what he said
So I told him that I'd pay him if he'd give me head
So my dear, that is how, this incident came to pass
Though I admit he got quite hard and f****d me up the ass
We were going at it great guns, really getting down
Until I farted long and hard and shot him back to town
I was sad to see him go, in fact my face was rather pale
But I smiled and scored myself a 9 on the old fart scale :p
Click to expand...
Haha love it Mrs Cock-Womble i can't stop laughing xx
 
Spangle said:
Dear hubby it was your fault as you were watching telly
The man upon the screen he turned my legs to jelly
He made me think of long ago, of many moons gone by
I couldn't have been very old, maybe shoulder high
He was the star of a show which made my senses twitch
I left it there but then I grew into a randy bitch
I used to watch the re-runs often late at night
Where Steve and Danno got into a rather tricky plight
And as I watched I'd feel myself getting rather hot
I'd reach under the duvet and rub my special spot
Many years have come and gone since last I saw his face
But when I saw him on the tv I felt all out of place
I dressed up in my underwear, the red ones that you like
But you looked me up and down and said 'babe but you're a dyke'
My need was very urgent, my panties were on fire
Amberdoll was not around to douse my hot desire
And then I saw the BT man looking oh so dashing
But seeing Amber on his pole my dreams came down a-crashing
My little Prince was waiting with his skin mahogany brown
And on his face, the wee poor lamb, he wore a little frown
It seemed he'd lost his bus pass, at least that's what he said
So I told him that I'd pay him if he'd give me head
So my dear, that is how, this incident came to pass
Though I admit he got quite hard and f****d me up the ass
We were going at it great guns, really getting down
Until I farted long and hard and shot him back to town
I was sad to see him go, in fact my face was rather pale
But I smiled and scored myself a 9 on the old fart scale :p
Click to expand...

Im sorry Spankums seeing the tv and it made your toes curl
I wasn't watching Steve and Danno but the bikini clad girls
Im a little bit surprised you can remember way back when
You were very young and innocent and Gladstone was the PM
Handsome Jack Lord played Steve and im sure that's the factor
That made you turn to jelly because it's not cause he's a good actor
You soon forgot him as you grew older and without going into details
The only thing that turned you on now were tractors and females
But you still watched the re-runs along with tractor porn late at night
Thinking it was engines and not Jack that made you tingle with delight
Every time you watched under the covers you'd play when you can
Not thinking it was Stevie turning you on but your best friend Diane
So seeing you in red undies that you know I like while watching TV
I really thought my luck was in and that you'd worn them just for me
And even when I realised you had put them on not for me but Mr Lord
I still thought Id get lucky that night and you'd ride my waxy surf board
But it dawned on me as I unzipped my pants for a further inspection
Id had far too much booze and was struggling to get a decent erection
With a disappointed look you now wanted someone else to make you whine
You thought about calling BT but Amberdoll was already on his phone line
Luckily out of the window you could see Bombaybadboy at the bus stop
He was trying to make his way home at midnight after just closing his shop
Calling him over you explained the situation and promised to be quick
Because your pussy was on fire and desperately needed to be licked
He said I'll think about it but what will you give me if I do this for you
You whispered in his ear after you satisfy me you can have my arse too
Without any hesitation he quickly licked you until you had cum
Then turning you round he excitedly shoved his willy in your bum
Looking on dejected but wanting you to be happy I smiled halfhearted
But I soon began to grin much more when you lifted your leg and farted
Just as this poor man was groaning and about to shoot his load
All the gas from the beans and mushy peas just decided to explode
Pulling up his pants he rushed out the door hoping to survive
The effects of a force 9 on the fart scale as you gave me a high five
Now you were happy your lust fulfilled we went together to our bed
I vowed not to drink next time so it could be me you farted on instead ️xx:):)xx
 
MJ has a trouser snake
It's longer than a garden rake
Most of the day it's safely housed
Because woe betide it gets aroused
MJ says "Spangle here's your luncheon"
Slamming on the table his sausage truncheon
He says "go ahead baby, taste my pork"
But he howls when I stab it with a fork
I say MJ dear I don't know what to do
If I sit on that it'll cleave me in two
It's too much for me, it would make me yelp
Best call Amber to give us some help
I think it's true, there's every chance
We could both fit upon your trusty lance
:p
 
Spangle said:
MJ has a trouser snake
It's longer than a garden rake
Most of the day it's safely housed
Because woe betide it gets aroused
MJ says "Spangle here's your luncheon"
Slamming on the table his sausage truncheon
He says "go ahead baby, taste my pork"
But he howls when I stab it with a fork
I say MJ dear I don't know what to do
If I sit on that it'll cleave me in two
It's too much for me, it would make me yelp
Best call Amber to give us some help
I think it's true, there's every chance
We could both fit upon your trusty lance
:p
Click to expand...
Haha just saw this Spankums, you are a genius...im speechless lol. I'll try to reply somehow lol ️xx️xx:)
 
MJW1234 said:
Haha just saw this Spankums, you are a genius...im speechless lol. I'll try to reply somehow lol ️xx️xx:)
Click to expand...
The trouser snake you think you've seen
Is nothing more than a large can of beans
The reason I keep it in my trousers hidden away
Is in case you get the tin opener and want to play
I now realise your eyesight is not that good at all
At lunch you see my cock but it's sausages by Wall's
Although I do ask you to taste my pork at times it's true
Im talking about thick Richmond's and not my pool cue
I only yell out loud as you attack them with a fork as I linger
Because you never even wait for me to remove my fingers
I know you're worried about our sexy time when on me you sit
This isn't due to my light sabre but cause the can is open a bit
At the thought of your arse getting cut by a sharp edge of the tin
You come up with a solution and give Amberdoll a call with a grin
It is not that it takes two of you to squeeze onto my man meat
But rather that it's an extra large can that needs two of you to eat ️xx:):)xx
 
MJW1234 said:
The trouser snake you think you've seen
Is nothing more than a large can of beans
The reason I keep it in my trousers hidden away
Is in case you get the tin opener and want to play
I now realise your eyesight is not that good at all
At lunch you see my cock but it's sausages by Wall's
Although I do ask you to taste my pork at times it's true
Im talking about thick Richmond's and not my pool cue
I only yell out loud as you attack them with a fork as I linger
Because you never even wait for me to remove my fingers
I know you're worried about our sexy time when on me you sit
This isn't due to my light sabre but cause the can is open a bit
At the thought of your arse getting cut by a sharp edge of the tin
You come up with a solution and give Amberdoll a call with a grin
It is not that it takes two of you to squeeze onto my man meat
But rather that it's an extra large can that needs two of you to eat ️xx:):)xx
Click to expand...
:p:p man meat??? LMAO love it :D
 
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