Advice and Opinion Ask a woman

[xDawnBBW]

I think waist trainers are not the way to go. I would suggest corset training instead. Waist trainers tend to be fabric based only, made of cheap material, and they lose elasticity easily and I just think it's not a good long term solution if you want to change your shape. Here are some corset training basics. You would want steel boned (not fashion corsets) fashion corsets are dangerous to waist train into (but cute to wear normally) fashion corsets are not steel boned they are plastic boning which can cut into your body and hurt you and cause long term damage to your body. No Amazon, no China for purchase this way you can know for sure if the garment is actually steel boned because amazon and other places will lie about details like this. You need a tape measure to know your actual measurements. There are two types of corsets over bust which go over your boobs and under bust which go directly under your bust. Under bust will push your boobs up so if you have large titties you may have to deal with that. Once you know your actual measurements you don't actually buy what you'd normally wear like if you were buying a dress. You would buy 3-4 inches smaller than your actual waist if you want any definition. If you don't do this and just buy your actual size, you will not get any definition which defeats the purpose of buying a corset. Waist training involves wearing a corset for long hours every day. It takes getting used to.

Anyways it's not for everyone. waist trainers can be okay if you're wearing a tight dress and wanna push in your pudge. But it won't change your shape. If you train correctly your shape will change.

Thanks for the advice! I will take it and check out the corset route

 

[xDawnBBW]

*asks google what is a "waist trainer"*
Can't say I have used one. But I am excited to see your before/afters! Maybe a new "spring into shape" thread is called for. I'm curious though, what is so appealing about the waist trainer for you?

Gives me a waist lol. I have a bunch of weight over the last year and I am needing to do some shaping up as I lose more weight. Gotta start getting more physical and sweat too

 

[European_stormtrooper]

What's the most romantic act you would like to see done to you?

 

[European_stormtrooper]

Tbh Im a giver. I find it super hot when my man cums before me. It turns me on knowing that he gets off on me and what Im doing. I meaan it would be nice to always cum with my partner but I can finish alone and feel satisfied.

I'm the same, like seeing someone cum before me gets me super turned on. But when you say finish alone is by yourself or do you like to get some "external help"?

 

[Thalassa]

Question

The times when you've repeatedly/ continuously stimulated your clit and desensitized it during that session -- whether you have orgasmed and seek to orgasm again, or failed to do so -- what do you do to reset?

 

[FireflyEyes]

What's the most romantic act you would like to see done to you?

I've been trying to answer this question, but I keep coming back to things that make me feel appreciated...not necessarily romantic. (like taking the time to do something they know I like: making me a proper cup of tea, tickling me or playing cards with me)

But for romantic things: surprises are really lovely. For example, roses for no reason other than it is Tuesday. Or letting a restaurant know in advance that its a special day or they want some special dish or dessert for me. The old "I can drive you to that event/ Hey are you free Saturday...I wanted to show you something" and then abscond me to a cabin in the woods for the weekend...you know the unexpected is very romantic.

Even here, some of you lovely people have done some truly romantic things: Writing poems for me or taking pictures you think I might like. Answering silly questions with honest replies. Sending little love letters. I think showing an honest intention to be connected, is very romantic. (and in this regard I wonder if it is okay to expand the meaning of romantic to beyond something between sexually involved people...I don't know if it is...but whatever...this is a pretty poly space )

 

[FireflyEyes]

Question

The times when you've repeatedly/ continuously stimulated your clit and desensitized it during that session -- whether you have orgasmed and seek to orgasm again, or failed to do so -- what do you do to reset?

I don't really know what this means? Why not take a rest if you are numb...or is this different from being numb? Perhaps from lack of experience...or perhaps because if I find clit stimulation isn't interesting I just shift to other kinds of play. Nipple play, Kegels, crossed/closed legs, thigh compression, tickling...to be honest I don't find clit stimulation to be particularly interesting on its own. Always only in combination with other kinds of stimulation.

 

[JaytoStay]

I'm a straight forward person so I tend to ask potential sexual partners if they'd like to fuck in person.
Lately, I've noticed more women tend to shy away from a man doing that and I'm wondering if this is an experience that others have been having as well may it be with either men or women.
Also, in your opinion, what is the best way to bring sex into a conversation and ask someone if they'd be interested?

 

[FireflyEyes]

I'm a straight forward person so I tend to ask potential sexual partners if they'd like to fuck in person.
Lately, I've noticed more women tend to shy away from a man doing that and I'm wondering if this is an experience that others have been having as well may it be with either men or women.
Also, in your opinion, what is the best way to bring sex into a conversation and ask someone if they'd be interested?

I wonder if as you get older, and potential partners (presumably) also get older, women are starting to look for more depth in interaction. Certainly the more experience one has, the pickier one gets...could be potential matches are looking to screen more carefully for someone who will buzz all their buttons and dont want to be rushed to make a judgement.
As for bringing sex into a conversation...I feel like if it doesn't naturally belong there...I mean, a natural mutual attraction is pretty hard to deny.

At the same time, being straight up about looking for a hookup, and assuring her of no baggage, no stress, and goddess worshiping good sex...interested ladies will let you know

 

[Hubby_Home_Alone]

I wonder if as you get older, and potential partners (presumably) also get older, women are starting to look for more depth in interaction. Certainly the more experience one has, the pickier one gets...could be potential matches are looking to screen more carefully for someone who will buzz all their buttons and dont want to be rushed to make a judgement.
As for bringing sex into a conversation...I feel like if it doesn't naturally belong there...I mean, a natural mutual attraction is pretty hard to deny.

At the same time, being straight up about looking for a hookup, and assuring her of no baggage, no stress, and goddess worshiping good sex...interested ladies will let you know

Wow...
Is that experience talking?

 

[FireflyEyes]

Wow...
Is that experience talking?

Are you calling me an older woman?
Cause I hope that's not what you are implying...

but yes...that probably is experience speaking. Once you know where to get the good stuff...it is tough going back to...well I'm sure you know.

 

[FireflyEyes]

I'm a straight forward person so I tend to ask potential sexual partners if they'd like to fuck in person.

I've been thinking more about this. And I think I missed an important part in my getting older comment, which is that you are also getting older. You seem to have accrued some experience, probably your fair share of positive experiences too...it might mean that you have expectation or things you are looking for, that perhaps you need to communicate more carefully now when you meet a potential sexual partner.
I think when we are young + inexperienced + (willfully?) naïve …we just discover together what fun we can have. But as we accrue experience, and perhaps an imbalance of experience with potential partners...it is probably necessary to spend more time communicating with each other about that point. It's a pain, but I think it probably opens up more roads for exploration in the mid to long run.

 

[JaytoStay]

I wonder if as you get older, and potential partners (presumably) also get older, women are starting to look for more depth in interaction. Certainly the more experience one has, the pickier one gets...could be potential matches are looking to screen more carefully for someone who will buzz all their buttons and dont want to be rushed to make a judgement.
As for bringing sex into a conversation...I feel like if it doesn't naturally belong there...I mean, a natural mutual attraction is pretty hard to deny.

At the same time, being straight up about looking for a hookup, and assuring her of no baggage, no stress, and goddess worshiping good sex...interested ladies will let you know

Personally it sounds like that high standard should be in reverse in my opinion. In my opinion, You should hold the men you first have sex with to a higher standard than the ones that you might have sex with later on in life.

It doesn't make sense to hold someone who could potentially be a good partner later in life to a way higher standard than what you had for the men or people who originally took your virginity. This does not mean I am saying people shouldn't have standards but don't make criteria to be so impossibly high to be with someone you are attracted to later in life. Especially, if you've already had sex with so many partners before the potential partner now. Why hold the current man/partner to have to meet extremely higher standards when you didn't apply the same type or higher standards to the men/partners before?.

Apart from that, sex SHOULD be a 2 way street, I understand treating a woman well in the bedroom but you need to make sure your partner has the similar energy when having sex. No one should expect their partner to do all the work and they don't reciprocate. I'm all for making a woman cum and orgasm since it's personally a turn on for me but on the other hand, a turn off is if she doesn't reciprocate and believes she just has to do the bare minimum because she believes "a man should be grateful to just be in her presence". That type of selfish and audacious behavior is not sexy at all in bed and just looks bad. I really wanted to push that last point because I'm sure no women would want to sleep with a man that doesn't put in effort. Men should expect the same energy if they are putting in that effort it shouldn't be about goddess worshipping or king worshipping just put in time and effort to pay attention to your partner and you both will perform better. It's all about respecting eachother in the bedroom and being conscious of one another. Do that and sex will feel amazing.

 

[FireflyEyes]

No one should expect their partner to do all the work and they don't reciprocate.

It is a very important point. I couldn't agree more. Mutually satisfying sex is kind of the point.

Back to your original question of how to bring sex into the conversation:
For me, playfully. Through laughter and teasing and feeling relaxed. I would shy away from most aggressive advances unless I was already really interested in the potential partner and insatiably horny.

 

[Sexyest7in]

I have...was worried about his wellbeing, but I knew him pretty well before doing so, so I know he wasn't going to assume something else.

Aww poor guy

 

[Busty_Nerd]

Question

The times when you've repeatedly/ continuously stimulated your clit and desensitized it during that session -- whether you have orgasmed and seek to orgasm again, or failed to do so -- what do you do to reset?

Yes and the solution to this is to don't masturbate/ have sex for a few days or a week or something. It usually means i'm being too active and i'm overthinking and playing too much. It can happen and if I just leave it alone i'm fine again.

I'm a straight forward person so I tend to ask potential sexual partners if they'd like to fuck in person.
Lately, I've noticed more women tend to shy away from a man doing that and I'm wondering if this is an experience that others have been having as well may it be with either men or women.
Also, in your opinion, what is the best way to bring sex into a conversation and ask someone if they'd be interested?

Maybe you're being way too blunt and rude? Even if I was looking for a hook-up (which I wouldn't be ever lol but if I was) I expect you to treat me like it was a date. We would need to find compatibility somewhere, I expect you to treat me with respect and while being blunt can be respectable maybe you're being rude and approaching it way too soon without following the proper protocol for a hook-up. Even if you're planning on just hooking up or having a one night I would need to be on the same page as someone. I would need to make sure you're safe, that we're into the same things, that I would personally feel comfortable with you and if you go "hey wanna go suck my dick right now" without meeting all the criteria I look for I can see why a woman would be immediately turned off by that and shy away from it. Maybe you're approaching it all wrong. I think people who look for hook ups just think women will go hop into bed with anyone, but they don't understand it's a selective process and can be just as selective as actually dating. (I'm not attacking you, i'm just offering a perspective) if all your hook ups are bailing on you, maybe that's the issue.

Personally it sounds like that high standard should be in reverse in my opinion. In my opinion, You should hold the men you first have sex with to a higher standard than the ones that you might have sex with later on in life.

It doesn't make sense to hold someone who could potentially be a good partner later in life to a way higher standard than what you had for the men or people who originally took your virginity. This does not mean I am saying people shouldn't have standards but don't make criteria to be so impossibly high to be with someone you are attracted to later in life. Especially, if you've already had sex with so many partners before the potential partner now. Why hold the current man/partner to have to meet extremely higher standards when you didn't apply the same type or higher standards to the men/partners before?.

Apart from that, sex SHOULD be a 2 way street, I understand treating a woman well in the bedroom but you need to make sure your partner has the similar energy when having sex. No one should expect their partner to do all the work and they don't reciprocate. I'm all for making a woman cum and orgasm since it's personally a turn on for me but on the other hand, a turn off is if she doesn't reciprocate and believes she just has to do the bare minimum because she believes "a man should be grateful to just be in her presence". That type of selfish and audacious behavior is not sexy at all in bed and just looks bad. I really wanted to push that last point because I'm sure no women would want to sleep with a man that doesn't put in effort. Men should expect the same energy if they are putting in that effort it shouldn't be about goddess worshipping or king worshipping just put in time and effort to pay attention to your partner and you both will perform better. It's all about respecting eachother in the bedroom and being conscious of one another. Do that and sex will feel amazing.

That's easier said than done. We don't get experience that way. We should all hold our partners to a higher standard, but that's not how it works. We were all inexperienced at one point, and it's hard to hold someone to a higher standard when you don't even know what that should be. I had to learn by getting treated bad and learning my self-worth through meeting terrible people who used me. I used to have terrible self-esteem and I really hated myself among other things, it was hard to call that stuff out. Now I know what the standard should be and i'm able to weed out bad partners better. I know what the red flags are so I don't waste my time. not to mention my self-esteem is much better, and I really can say i'm better off than I was before. I couldn't say that back then. Unfortunately that's how it all happens. And I don't just mean people who wouldn't reciprocate, I mean bad partners in general. This is all a lovely sentiment, but it's not realistic.

 

[JaytoStay]

Yes and the solution to this is to don't masturbate/ have sex for a few days or a week or something. It usually means i'm being too active and i'm overthinking and playing too much. It can happen and if I just leave it alone i'm fine again.



Maybe you're being way too blunt and rude? Even if I was looking for a hook-up (which I wouldn't be ever lol but if I was) I expect you to treat me like it was a date. We would need to find compatibility somewhere, I expect you to treat me with respect and while being blunt can be respectable maybe you're being rude and approaching it way too soon without following the proper protocol for a hook-up. Even if you're planning on just hooking up or having a one night I would need to be on the same page as someone. I would need to make sure you're safe, that we're into the same things, that I would personally feel comfortable with you and if you go "hey wanna go suck my dick right now" without meeting all the criteria I look for I can see why a woman would be immediately turned off by that and shy away from it. Maybe you're approaching it all wrong. I think people who look for hook ups just think women will go hop into bed with anyone, but they don't understand it's a selective process and can be just as selective as actually dating. (I'm not attacking you, i'm just offering a perspective) if all your hook ups are bailing on you, maybe that's the issue.



That's easier said than done. We don't get experience that way. We should all hold our partners to a higher standard, but that's not how it works. We were all inexperienced at one point, and it's hard to hold someone to a higher standard when you don't even know what that should be. I had to learn by getting treated bad and learning my self-worth through meeting terrible people who used me. I used to have terrible self-esteem and I really hated myself among other things, it was hard to call that stuff out. Now I know what the standard should be and i'm able to weed out bad partners better. I know what the red flags are so I don't waste my time. not to mention my self-esteem is much better, and I really can say i'm better off than I was before. I couldn't say that back then. Unfortunately that's how it all happens. And I don't just mean people who wouldn't reciprocate, I mean bad partners in general. This is all a lovely sentiment, but it's not realistic.

I do agree with your first response, after you take time to learn about someone, talk, etc. then, when both parties are ready, they should be comfortable to ask and express their desires with one another. It's not about "hopping into bed with anyone" but it's important to make sure that your intentions are clear. It is more cruel to string someone along by never telling them the whole truth of what your intentions are (not saying that you do this). Personally, I find people are more enamored with the chase/games and that's why a lot of people tend to get frustrated. Especially when they think one thing, nothing is clearly said, and then they find out their time was completely wasted. I'm sure that this is something that frustrates both men and women. Unfortunately, people playing games have been so normalized that more tend to waste eachother's time rather than being honest about what they want, feel, or are looking for; and, this usually leads to one hell of a toxic spiral to happen.

For your second response, I'm more leaning towards disagreeing with you because it is more realistic than you may perceive .
First off, it is unfortunate to hear that your earlier sexual and romantic experiences were bad and traumatic. This is something that is definitely a reality and I applaud you for sharing your experiences with us. Hopefully, someone is able to learn from our conversation and find a way to add what we discuss to their own lives in a positive way.
I do need to also say, I have experienced my fair share of bad romantic and sexual experiences as well with women and I can understand why some men get very bitter when they are crushed by someone who they thought loved them (this is not to compare your experiences with mine or others but I am acknowledging that people have experienced some serious trauma when it comes to sex and relationships).

The reason why I disagree with your second statement, claiming that what I was saying is "not realistic", is because everyone has a choice. A choice for who they date, love, and have sex with. If that choice is ever forcibly taken from you then you should 100% call the authorities and get that person who abused you to feel the full extent of the law. Based on your choices, you will tend to experience things in which you have chosen to experience and this is why you need to always do your research about someone before you get into a committed relationship or agree to have sex with them. I'm sure you may agree that you won't let just anyone get near you because you have standards and that is perfectly fine. The sexual market place is not meant to be fair because everyone has a choice and that is how it should be. By the end of the day, you choose who to get close with, you choose who to sleep with, you choose who to date, and you choose who to spend time with. Your standards will naturally change as you get older, experience more, etc. But, if you were hurt or abused by someone you dated before, don't allow that experience to make you have so high standards that no one can realistically meet them since it'd only hurt you in the end because you'll quickly become lonely. If you learn from your experiences, then no time is ever wasted. No one should ever allow their traumas of past experiences to be forced upon their next potential romantic or sexual partner(s) because that would cause an unfair standard to be made and it will only hurt you in the end since it'd be a breeding ground for toxic behavior to flourish.

 

[duncanh1n3z]

I am very fascinated and turned on by female ejaculation/squirting (have lots of fantasies involving a squirting lady partner, but never have been with a lady who does), and have a few questions:
1) for those who have the ability, do you always squirt with every orgasm (or every strongest orgasm), or there can be orgasms which does not result in squirting (or just gushing)
2) if you do, what are your personal requirements which helps to achieve it
3) from videos that I watch - it appears to me that the ejaculate is of a different consistency (more watery?) compared to the natural vaginal lubricant - is this true?
4) if you like to share your squirt videos - please feel free to pm these to me - I can ensure you that it would be very very much enjoyed and appreciated by me.

Thank you!

 

[Busty_Nerd]

I do agree with your first response, after you take time to learn about someone, talk, etc. then, when both parties are ready, they should be comfortable to ask and express their desires with one another. It's not about "hopping into bed with anyone" but it's important to make sure that your intentions are clear. It is more cruel to string someone along by never telling them the whole truth of what your intentions are (not saying that you do this). Personally, I find people are more enamored with the chase/games and that's why a lot of people tend to get frustrated. Especially when they think one thing, nothing is clearly said, and then they find out their time was completely wasted. I'm sure that this is something that frustrates both men and women. Unfortunately, people playing games have been so normalized that more tend to waste eachother's time rather than being honest about what they want, feel, or are looking for; and, this usually leads to one hell of a toxic spiral to happen.

For your second response, I'm more leaning towards disagreeing with you because it is more realistic than you may perceive .
First off, it is unfortunate to hear that your earlier sexual and romantic experiences were bad and traumatic. This is something that is definitely a reality and I applaud you for sharing your experiences with us. Hopefully, someone is able to learn from our conversation and find a way to add what we discuss to their own lives in a positive way.
I do need to also say, I have experienced my fair share of bad romantic and sexual experiences as well with women and I can understand why some men get very bitter when they are crushed by someone who they thought loved them (this is not to compare your experiences with mine or others but I am acknowledging that people have experienced some serious trauma when it comes to sex and relationships).

The reason why I disagree with your second statement, claiming that what I was saying is "not realistic", is because everyone has a choice. A choice for who they date, love, and have sex with. If that choice is ever forcibly taken from you then you should 100% call the authorities and get that person who abused you to feel the full extent of the law. Based on your choices, you will tend to experience things in which you have chosen to experience and this is why you need to always do your research about someone before you get into a committed relationship or agree to have sex with them. I'm sure you may agree that you won't let just anyone get near you because you have standards and that is perfectly fine. The sexual market place is not meant to be fair because everyone has a choice and that is how it should be. By the end of the day, you choose who to get close with, you choose who to sleep with, you choose who to date, and you choose who to spend time with. Your standards will naturally change as you get older, experience more, etc. But, if you were hurt or abused by someone you dated before, don't allow that experience to make you have so high standards that no one can realistically meet them since it'd only hurt you in the end because you'll quickly become lonely. If you learn from your experiences, then no time is ever wasted. No one should ever allow their traumas of past experiences to be forced upon their next potential romantic or sexual partner(s) because that would cause an unfair standard to be made and it will only hurt you in the end since it'd be a breeding ground for toxic behavior to flourish.

Sorry for the late response, i'm behind on forum posts. Yes I agree your intentions should be clear of course, but I think there's a difference between being way too blunt and inappropriate for a first meeting and stringing people along. I am always up front with what i'm looking for so this never happens. I don't meet up with people who are simply looking for hook-ups or who are looking for the opposite of what i'm looking for. It wastes my time and their time. I think you can be forth coming with what you're looking for and respectful, but as it sounds like you're probably being too blunt over bearing and scaring them with how you approach them. Or maybe the other person isn't looking for what you're looking for which is making them scared off, which happens. I can only speculate based on what you're writing here which is only a snapshot of what actually goes on.

I also realize that my experiences were not normal and don't apply to most people. However, I think everyone has bad relationships or bad sexual experiences and that is normal. I'm not saying my situation was relevant to what I was replying to you about, because what I went through is not what most people go through. Without going into details, it's not that simple to call the authorities to leave such situations. It's very complicated with many layers. All relationships don't start off bad either, it's a dynamic that's difficult to leave and stays with you for a long time. It took me a long time to finally get up and leave. And I don't have unrealistically high standards for people, and it's not always possible to "do your research" on people... these people are charismatic, and they dupe even the smartest of people. They make you believe they are good people and used many manipulation tactics on you. I think you're trying to speak on a subject you have no place to do so. You never really understand until you go through it and telling someone to just "do your research, and you should just leave and call the authorities" is frankly insulting. I do not let my trauma define me and have learned and grown from it.

Anyways didn't mean to make this all sad, it was a long time ago.

 

[Thalassa]

1) for those who have the ability, do you always squirt with every orgasm (or every strongest orgasm), or there can be orgasms which does not result in squirting (or just gushing)

With or without, both kinds happen.

2) if you do, what are your personal requirements which helps to achieve it

Stopping mental chatter and being in the moment.

3) from videos that I watch - it appears to me that the ejaculate is of a different consistency (more watery?) compared to the natural vaginal lubricant - is this true?

Correct.