Although I find you to be one of the most humorous, interesting, and humble men here I'm really sorry, but this can't go on. I've seen the things you do, the videos you've recorded and sent to people. The box, the pillow, the top hat, slow motion even, I know them all. Although, I laughed at first, I was quickly repulsed when I noticed the smiley face shaven into your chest hair. You dyed your beard to draw the eyes away from it, but, it was clear as day the stubble was coming in. I can't imagine the burns it would cause if we ever actually got together. You've tried so many times to convince me you're the only one for me, and you're probably correct. I can't imagine anyone else that would actually put up with the constant compressing, editing, and deleting of the large format videos while you lie naked in the dim light with a cat walking on you. How you've made it this far in life, actually finding dates who rearrange your furniture for you or make you order their food at the restaurant on the first time meeting, I'll never truly understand. What I do realize through these years we've known each other so intimately is that, even if we break up, I'll still always see you when you look in the mirror. Mainly because I look just like you...also you have that picture from 3 decades ago glued to it. Sadly, those days are gone, and so am I. Have a good life some guy...may you find what you're looking for, my hands are far too calloused for any amount of lotion to fix.
Please do keep creating "content" for me though, I must admit, my friends do laugh at you.
I'll always remember you (until next year when I forget everything) someguy.