Many years ago on a long haul trans-continental flight, an elderly lady asked if she could visit the cockpit. When she got up there, she found four crew members on the flight deck. She asked the first what he did, and he explained that he was the Navigator and his responsibilities were to keep the aircraft on its track across the earth. She turned to next one and asked what he did. He explained that he was the Flight Engineer and his job was to monitor and troubleshoot any aircraft or engine system problems to keep the aircraft operating smoothly. She turned to the next one and asked what he did. He explained that as the Captain he was responsible for everything in the aircraft and to fly and direct everyone in it. She finally turned to the First Officer and asked, "Well young man, what is your job?" He replied "Ma'am, I am the captain's sexual advisor" Somewhat shocked, she said, "I beg your pardon young man, but what do you mean by that?" "Very simple ma'am. The captain has told me on a number of occasions that when he wants my f'king advice, he'll ask me."
Father: “Son, you were adopted.” Son: “What?! OMG, I knew it! I've got so many questions....I want to meet my biological parents!” Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, your new parents will pick you up in 20 minutes.”
3 midgets were sitting around their apartment one day, getting high & wondering what to do with their lives. One of them had really, really small hands, one had really, really small feet, and the third had a really, really small dick... let's call them Sam, Fred and Pete respectively. Fred suggested "let's take a trip downtown." The others agreed because they didn't have a better idea. Once downtown, they noticed the Guiness World Records building, and Sam says "hey, let's see if we qualify for world records." Pete says "whaddaya mean, Sam?" and Sam replies "well, I've got super small hands, Fred has super small feet, and, well, you've got a tiny dick. Maybe they're the smallest in the whole world." It took some convincing with Pete, but eventually they decided to give it a shot. Sam went in first, and after almost an hour, came out hootin' & hollerin', "woohoo, I've got the smallest hands in the whole wide world!" Fred went in next, and after a good 45 minutes or so, came out hootin' & hollerin', "woohoo, I've got the smallest feet in the whole wide world!" After a bit more convincing, Pete finally went in, but came back out after only 3 minutes with his head hung low. "What happened, buddy?" Sam asked, to which Pete replied "who the fuck is Mabal?!"
HELLO FOLKS, I'VE GOT ANOTHER SORT OF BAD JOKE(GIGGLES)... 3 GUYS WALK INTO A BAR... THE 4TH ONE DUCKED!...LMAO HOPE YOU LIKED IT, FOR THE AWFUL JOKE IT IS...LOL TC C U A L, ~StarFire~
A guy asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
Bill Clinton and Tiger woods were playing in a charity golfing day Tiger was just about to tee off when Bill says to him, "Hey Tiger how do you keep it up with all them women you have." Tiger replied, "I don’t really know but I do have a ritual when I get undressed for bed, I whack my manhood on the bed post 3 times, and I never have a problem." Bill says "I must try that." So that night he goes home gets undressed for bed then does it, 'whack, whack, whack' Hillary wakes up and says "Oh Tiger is that you."
The Mother in Law has been admitted into Hospital for shoving a vacuum hoover attachment up her fanny. Doctors say she’s picking up nicely!
Neil in our office, is hot in the dating scene, he got an email on Wednesday from a 32 year old bored housewife, looking for some action. He sent her his washing and ironing, that’ll keep her busy!
HELLO AGAIN FOLKS, GOT A REALLY BAD SAYING FOR YOU ALL... HERE GOES... YOU CAN PICK YOUR FRIENDS... ...AND YOU CAN PICK YOUR NOSE... BUT!... YOU CAN'T PICK YOUR "FRIEND'S", NOSE!... HOPE YOU ALL GOT A BLAH!, OR, YUCK! OUT OF IT!...LMAO TC TTYAL, ~StarFire~ LMAO C YA'S!...
2 nuns are driving down a dark country road when all of a sudden Dracula lands from nowhere on their car bonnet. The nun driving turns to the other nun in fear and says "Quick Mary, show him your cross!" Mary leans out the car and shouts "Oi you goofy twat get the fuck off the car!"
The Great Peter Sellers as Richard111 a la Lawrence Olivier doing the Beatles hard days night, I’m buckled when I watch this. LMAO.
My wife loves sad movies, and says she can tell how good a movie is by how many tissues she goes through. I have the same system for the videos I like...
