Jokes

[jayamal]

When a Woman Loves!

When a woman loves you, you are a husband

When a few women love you, you are a man

When many women love you, you are a lover

When hundreds of women love you, you are an idol

When thousands of women love you, you are a leader

But,

When all the women in the world love you, you are not human… You are a diamond, gold, a rupee, a dollar, a euro, or a yen..

 

[jayamal]

Some actual product?warning labels:

1.) On a New Zealand insect spray –
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

2.) On a Sears hairdryer –
DO NOT USE?WHILE SLEEPING.

3.) On a bag of Fritos Chips-
YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE.

4.) On Marks & Spencer?Bread Pudding?-
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.

5.) On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights –
FOR INDOOR?OR OUTDOOR?USE ONLY.

6.) On a Swedish?chainsaw?-
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.

7.) On a child?s superman costume –
WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.

 

[jayamal]

Funny but true fact..
.
.
Relationship between lovers in today’s age:-
you can touch each other..
but
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
u cannot touch each other’s mobile..!

 

[jayamal]

Dear lays manufacturer
U forgot to mention one more thing in the list of ur ingredients.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Air 85%

 

[jayamal]

Only two types of Communications are fastest in the world…
.
.
.
E-mail to email
&
Female to female…:-D

 

[jayamal]

Millions of people write Love Letters.

But everyone send there 1st love letter mostly to me,

Just imagine how lucky I m!

Great words
Said by

.

** DUST BIN **

 

[jayamal]

Boy: Where Are You Going?

Girl: For Suicide..

Boy: Then, Why Soo Much Make-Up?

Girl: You Idiot..!! Tomorrow My Photo will Come In Newspaper….xD

 

[jayamal]

Universal TRUTH we learnt
“sun rises in the east”
Fact:-
“sun neither rises nor sets, only earth rotates”
Moral
“Education spoils our commonsense”

 

[TallulahBlue]

(at movie theater)

*reaches into purse after movie starts*

*pulls out a lasagna*

*saves $78 on concession prices*

 

[TallulahBlue]

ME (doing magic trick): Is THIS your card?

RANDOM GUY: Yes, they're all my cards. Now give me my wallet back.

 

[Tdp06]

A guy trying to seduce a girl In a bar.

"Do you want to see a magic trick?"

"Yes why not!"

They had sex all night and in the morning he disappeared...

 

[TallulahBlue]

A guy trying to seduce a girl In a bar.

"Do you want to see a magic trick?"

"Yes why not!"

They had sex all night and in the morning he disappeared...

Then the girl gets back at him by calling his wife...

"Have you seen your husband? He left here this morning without saying a word. I'm starting to worry. Anyway, he left his cum in my pussy, so if you see him, ask if he wants it back or not. Thank you!"

 

[Tdp06]

Then the girl gets back at him by calling his wife...

"Have you seen your husband? He left here this morning without saying a word. I'm starting to worry. Anyway, he left his cum in my pussy, so if you see him, ask if he wants it back or not. Thank you!"

Lol good one, but did you get any news from him?.

 

[TallulahBlue]

ME: Could you show me where the self-help books are?

LIBRARIAN: No, that would kind of be defeating the purpose, wouldn't it?

 

[CrystalMarker]

 

[jayamal]

That awkward moment when you realize that “deleting History” is more important than “creating History” nowadays.

 

[jayamal]

Men look at a woman’s behind and think “Wow! What an ass.” Women look at a man’s face and think the very same thing.

 

[jayamal]

Why There Are Different Types
Of Blood Groups.?
.
.
Answer..
So The Mosquitoes Can Enjoy
Different Flavours...!

 

[jayamal]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says, “Ugh! That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”

The woman stalks off to the rear of the bus and sits down. She turns to the man sitting next to her and says, “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says, “You go and give him a telling off. I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

 

[jayamal]

Husband and wife were having dinner at a fancy restaurant…

As the food was served, Husband said:
“The Food looks delicious, let’s eat.”

Wife: Honey.. You say prayer before eating at home.
Husband: That’s at home sweetheart… Here the chef knows how to cook.