Jokes

TallulahBlue said:
"Okay everybody, here is the plan, so listen carefully: we are going to put about 30 checkout lanes at the front of every store. But you are only allowed to have 1 or 2 of them open at a time. Got it?"

-Walmart executives, apparently
Click to expand...
And when you ask why so many check-outs, they say, for the times it gets busy.

You turnn slowly and deliberately look at the 2 lines of 30 people each line waiting for the 2 available checkouts.

Remember that look your mother gave you when she knew you were lying?

*uses that look* Really, and what do you class as busy?

Ls x
 
ALERT, ALERT!... MORE REPLIES AYE?!... K, SOME MORE MEMES FROM ME... :p:D:cool:

A 1 A A A MAN ATTACKED BY GREAT WHITE SHARK HE BLED OUT AND DIED WSAH-Terry-Manuel2 112.jpg

A 1 A A CHRISTMAS DAY BF PICKS 1122.jpg

A 1 A A BOTTLE OPENER WINE DECORKER 11AB.jpg

A 1 A A CHRISTMAS BALLS NEW FOR MY XMAS TREE 112.jpg

AGAIN, LAST BUT, DEFINITELY NOT LEAST... SEE MY MEME!!!... :p;):cool:

A 1 A A CHERRY CHAPSTICK 14 YEARS OLD STILL GOOD LOL 117B.jpg
 
For @Spangle


Paddy is passing by Mick's barn one day when through a gap in the door he sees Eddie doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old red Massey Ferguson.

Buttocks clenched he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right rubber boot, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move lets his braces fall down from his shoulders to dangle by his hips over his corduroy trousers.

Grabbing both sides of his check shirt he rips it apart to reveal his tea stained vest underneath and with a final flourish he hurls his flat cap on to a pile of hay.

"What on earth are you doing Mick?" says Paddy.

"Jayzuz Paddy, ye frightened the livin' shite out of me" says an obviously embarrassed Eddie. "Me and the missus been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department and the marriage counsellor suggested I do something sexy to a tractor!"

Ls xx
 
12-imagine-how-good-she-was-meme.jpg
 
[Me at a spelling bee]

PRONOUNCER: Spell "forwards"

ME: Huh? Everyone else only had to spell one word.

P: No, your word is "for..." never mind. You can have a new word. Your new word is "difficult."

M: Yeah they all are. But I'm ready. Go for it.

P: That is your word. It is "difficult."

M: All four of them? This isn't fair.

P: For fuck's sake, can somebody tell me how she even got into the spelling bee?

M: *sweating* Can you use that in a sentence please?
 
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