I may have laughed a little too much due to this one, it hurts to breathe! ROFL
Jokes
- Thread starter Mabal
- Start date
I may have laughed a little too much due to this one, it hurts to breathe! ROFL
TallulahBlue
Resident
COP: Do you know why I pulled you over?
ME: I didn't realize that you did pull me over. I just stopped because I thought of a hilarious tweet, but I ran into another car as I was typing it and plus I don't like typos. So I stopped.
C: Yes you stopped - in the middle of traffic. Now do you know why I pulled you over?
M: Cause you thought my tires were giant donuts?
ME: I didn't realize that you did pull me over. I just stopped because I thought of a hilarious tweet, but I ran into another car as I was typing it and plus I don't like typos. So I stopped.
C: Yes you stopped - in the middle of traffic. Now do you know why I pulled you over?
M: Cause you thought my tires were giant donuts?
TallulahBlue
Resident
OPTOMETRIST: You definitely have a lazy eye.
ME: Yeah but it's okay, cause the other one is a real go-getter.
ME: Yeah but it's okay, cause the other one is a real go-getter.
TallulahBlue
Resident
CAREER COUNSELOR: So what kind of things do you look for in a job description?
ME: Pretty much anything that doesn't mention "attention to detail" or "team player" or "only one hour for lunch."
ME: Pretty much anything that doesn't mention "attention to detail" or "team player" or "only one hour for lunch."
TallulahBlue
Resident
^^^^^^^^LOVE IT^^^^^^^^
TallulahBlue
Resident
ME: I refuse to be part of an apartheid system that reveres whites and segregates those of color. And I will not back down.
GF: Kacey, it's your turn. Just do the fucking laundry.
GF: Kacey, it's your turn. Just do the fucking laundry.
TallulahBlue
Resident
[sky diving]
INSTRUCTOR: Okay, do you have any questions before we jump?
ME: Yes, why is it that whenever the doorbell rings, dogs automatically assume it's for them?
INSTRUCTOR: What the? No, I mean do you have any questions....
ME: Yes, do you also find it ironic that a robot asks us to pick out tree pictures and street signs to make sure that we are not a robot?
INSTRUCTOR: *pushes me out of the plane*
INSTRUCTOR: Okay, do you have any questions before we jump?
ME: Yes, why is it that whenever the doorbell rings, dogs automatically assume it's for them?
INSTRUCTOR: What the? No, I mean do you have any questions....
ME: Yes, do you also find it ironic that a robot asks us to pick out tree pictures and street signs to make sure that we are not a robot?
INSTRUCTOR: *pushes me out of the plane*
TallulahBlue
Resident
HIM: Wanna have a Valentine quickie?
ME: Fuck yes, you know I do!!
H: OMG really? *starts undressing*
M: Wait, didn't you ask if I wanna have a Valentine cookie?
ME: Fuck yes, you know I do!!
H: OMG really? *starts undressing*
M: Wait, didn't you ask if I wanna have a Valentine cookie?
I need that one..
I LOVE IT!
A man goes up to a very beautiful, big-breasted woman in the supermarket and says, "I've lost my wife somewhere. Can you talk to me for a few minutes?"
The woman is confused and asks, "Why talk to me?"
The guy says, "Because every time I talk to a woman with breasts like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere."
The woman is confused and asks, "Why talk to me?"
The guy says, "Because every time I talk to a woman with breasts like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere."