S
SUNNBEAM
Guest
Thursday // I promised myself I wouldn’t write you anymore Poetry
I don’t quite remember how I used to spend my days. What would I do? What would I say?
Did I always skip breakfasts and let my stomach remain hollow till late evening? Would I power through the day with two shitty cups of black coffee? Did I binge eat while I sat on the couch with a bowl of carrots and a coke in hand?
Am I forgetting or am I avoiding?
This Thursday I woke up late, skipped breakfast and had a cup of coffee and a pepsi can. I returned to bed and laid for another two hours scrolling mindlessly on my phone. I also checked my old phone to see if I received any messages.
I remember dragging myself to wash my face and brush my teeth. My hair was greasy and tangled and my bangs stuck up in odd angles. My feet carried me to the couch and I turned on Netflix.
I watched Charlotte’s Web and I cried, and cried. And I cried some more. My six year old sister was sitting on the floor asking questions the entire time.
I showered late at 8 o’clock. I had coke can and quesadillas for dinner. I talked about my day and made it seem grand. About how I had the time of my life.
At midnight I cried suddenly again and made sure to swallow the sobs.
It’s 1 a.m. and I am listening to music.
I don't remember how my Thursdays used to be. I don’t remember how my weekdays would be spent.
“But you do know”
I do. I remember all too well.
// sunn
I don’t quite remember how I used to spend my days. What would I do? What would I say?
Did I always skip breakfasts and let my stomach remain hollow till late evening? Would I power through the day with two shitty cups of black coffee? Did I binge eat while I sat on the couch with a bowl of carrots and a coke in hand?
Am I forgetting or am I avoiding?
This Thursday I woke up late, skipped breakfast and had a cup of coffee and a pepsi can. I returned to bed and laid for another two hours scrolling mindlessly on my phone. I also checked my old phone to see if I received any messages.
I remember dragging myself to wash my face and brush my teeth. My hair was greasy and tangled and my bangs stuck up in odd angles. My feet carried me to the couch and I turned on Netflix.
I watched Charlotte’s Web and I cried, and cried. And I cried some more. My six year old sister was sitting on the floor asking questions the entire time.
I showered late at 8 o’clock. I had coke can and quesadillas for dinner. I talked about my day and made it seem grand. About how I had the time of my life.
At midnight I cried suddenly again and made sure to swallow the sobs.
It’s 1 a.m. and I am listening to music.
I don't remember how my Thursdays used to be. I don’t remember how my weekdays would be spent.
“But you do know”
I do. I remember all too well.
// sunn



