Shitty ditties...

MJW1234 said:
Now we are married the wedding day is done
And we all live together and have so much fun
Our arrangement is fine to satisfy all our intimate deeds
With Big Blue and i taking care of all your sexual needs
I do my best satisfying you but im a little scrawny
So Big Blue ploughs you when you're really horny
My light sabre is no match for his gear stick with knob
So at times his weapon of mass destruction finishes the job
When Big Blues required for your unquenchable lust
I sneak off to the shed to a place I know I can trust
To satisfy my needs and make me feel more like a man
I open my baked beans and slide inside its juicy can
While Spangles pussys riding the tractor till she whines
Im busy enjoying all the fifty seven varieties of Heinz
And Amberdolls always nearby and up for a threesome
Only problem is seeing her naked I usually just cum
But I enjoy watching Spangle and her have fun and relax
Until im at attention once again as sperm refills my sacks
As I leap on the bed ready to rejoin them for the night
I see im too late as they both cum screaming out with delight
Next time we're all together I think I'll try not to cum so quick
But that's not easy to do when your brains ruled by your dick
As weeks go by I manage to join them both and pleasure and please
Not getting too overexcited early by imagining them both as mushy peas
With all the kinky cummings and goings that occurred every day
It was no surprise when Spangle eventually pulled me aside to say
MJ my hubby as your wife im worried and don't know what to do
Ive tested and im pregnant and unsure if the father is Big Blue or you
Don't worry Splange I always knew this could be a factor
I'll stand by you whether you have a baby or a toy tractor
So now we are just waiting if the child is Big Blues or me
But I tell you I'll be bloody annoyed if you give birth to ET ️xx️xx:p:pxx
Click to expand...
Wtf dude. Very funny
 
Spangle said:
Come here!
Go away!
Don't you look at me that way!
You don't care
You think I'm fat
Now I'm crying over that
Go to the garage
Yes I've seen the time
Bring me noodles, and some lime
Rub my feet
Tell me I'm pretty
Even when I look so shitty
Ring your mates
Tell them you're dead
Give all your time to me instead
Why are you here?
Under my feet
Haven't you got some friends to meet?
I hate you, you know
For causing this
Darling I love you, give me a kiss..

Pregnancy MJ, I hope you're ready :p
Click to expand...
That's ok I know how the pregnancy will be
Your moods will change taking things out on me
I'll always come and go Spangle as you wish
Just don't hit me on the head with that dish
I do care and believe me you're not that chubby
No matter how you look I'll always be your hubby
Don't cry so much Splange I think you look super
But if your mascara runs you'll look like Alice Cooper
Ive been to the garage and now im back to please
Im not sure if we have ice cream to go with those peas
Put your feet up here I'll rub them as you watch telly
Now where's that air freshener? They are a bit smelly
You are pretty and radiant like all expecting mums ive seen
My only worry about our baby is in the dark you glow green
Im sure it's due to all the mushy peas you eat so no fear
I'll only start to worry if the baby has antennas for ears
Don't worry I no longer have any mates but that's swell
I ended our friendship when I found they'd had you as well
I'll give you all my time now when you want me near
And if you are just ranting I'll drown my sorrows in beer
I know you blame me for your nine months of hell
But once baby arrives I know everything will be swell
I can take all your mood swings and bad things that you've said
It's worth it hearing you love me even as a pickled egg hits my head
So my lady come here, pucker up so I can kiss your soft lips
But first let me remove from your mouth that big greasy chip

Pregnancy Spangle like the battery im Eveready ️xx:p:p:pxx
 
MJW1234 said:
That's ok I know how the pregnancy will be
Your moods will change taking things out on me
I'll always come and go Spangle as you wish
Just don't hit me on the head with that dish
I do care and believe me you're not that chubby
No matter how you look I'll always be your hubby
Don't cry so much Splange I think you look super
But if your mascara runs you'll look like Alice Cooper
Ive been to the garage and now im back to please
Im not sure if we have ice cream to go with those peas
Put your feet up here I'll rub them as you watch telly
Now where's that air freshener? They are a bit smelly
You are pretty and radiant like all expecting mums ive seen
My only worry about our baby is in the dark you glow green
Im sure it's due to all the mushy peas you eat so no fear
I'll only start to worry if the baby has antennas for ears
Don't worry I no longer have any mates but that's swell
I ended our friendship when I found they'd had you as well
I'll give you all my time now when you want me near
And if you are just ranting I'll drown my sorrows in beer
I know you blame me for your nine months of hell
But once baby arrives I know everything will be swell
I can take all your mood swings and bad things that you've said
It's worth it hearing you love me even as a pickled egg hits my head
So my lady come here, pucker up so I can kiss your soft lips
But first let me remove from your mouth that big greasy chip

Pregnancy Spangle like the battery im Eveready ️xx:p:p:pxx
Click to expand...
Aren't you just the cutest little bunny... :oops::p
 
Now I lay me down to sleep
I count a hundred fluffy sheep
I toss and turn and turn and toss
But still I find I'm at a loss
My tummy once so small and neat
Is so huge I can't see my feet
I'd wank like all the other freaks
But I haven't seen my puss in weeks
My boobs are like two huge balloons
The earth believes they're two new moons
My fingers swell, my feet do too
I waddle now to the loo
My hubby says "babe can we fuck?"
I tell him "no, go read a book"
I miss Big Blue and all his bits
I'm missing bean juice on my tits
I couldn't eat another pea
I've even gone off cups of tea
I look across and see my hubby
And notice he's a little chubby
He's lacking now in sexy time
I feel bad, really it's a crime
I open my purse and count my money
There's enough to pay for some sweet honey
To come and exercise his willy
Bend her over and fuck her silly
In the meantime the thought runs through my head
There's not enough room in this bed
Me and my belly need some more
So I boot dear hubby onto the floor
My time is near, it must be nigh
I fall asleep with a sigh..
 
Spangle said:
Now I lay me down to sleep
I count a hundred fluffy sheep
I toss and turn and turn and toss
But still I find I'm at a loss
My tummy once so small and neat
Is so huge I can't see my feet
I'd wank like all the other freaks
But I haven't seen my puss in weeks
My boobs are like two huge balloons
The earth believes they're two new moons
My fingers swell, my feet do too
I waddle now to the loo
My hubby says "babe can we fuck?"
I tell him "no, go read a book"
I miss Big Blue and all his bits
I'm missing bean juice on my tits
I couldn't eat another pea
I've even gone off cups of tea
I look across and see my hubby
And notice he's a little chubby
He's lacking now in sexy time
I feel bad, really it's a crime
I open my purse and count my money
There's enough to pay for some sweet honey
To come and exercise his willy
Bend her over and fuck her silly
In the meantime the thought runs through my head
There's not enough room in this bed
Me and my belly need some more
So I boot dear hubby onto the floor
My time is near, it must be nigh
I fall asleep with a sigh..
Click to expand...
Haha fantastic Spankums as usual hope my reply can match this later ️xx
 
Spangle said:
Now I lay me down to sleep
I count a hundred fluffy sheep
I toss and turn and turn and toss
But still I find I'm at a loss
My tummy once so small and neat
Is so huge I can't see my feet
I'd wank like all the other freaks
But I haven't seen my puss in weeks
My boobs are like two huge balloons
The earth believes they're two new moons
My fingers swell, my feet do too
I waddle now to the loo
My hubby says "babe can we fuck?"
I tell him "no, go read a book"
I miss Big Blue and all his bits
I'm missing bean juice on my tits
I couldn't eat another pea
I've even gone off cups of tea
I look across and see my hubby
And notice he's a little chubby
He's lacking now in sexy time
I feel bad, really it's a crime
I open my purse and count my money
There's enough to pay for some sweet honey
To come and exercise his willy
Bend her over and fuck her silly
In the meantime the thought runs through my head
There's not enough room in this bed
Me and my belly need some more
So I boot dear hubby onto the floor
My time is near, it must be nigh
I fall asleep with a sigh..
Click to expand...
As I lay alongside you watching you sleep in bed
Ive noticed you're restless and shaking your head
I know you're getting worried and hear your cries
Moaning in your dreams about your growing size
I know you really want to give yourself a special treat
And im so sorry your pussy is now out of your reach
Desperate to touch yourself as you lay in your slumber
Maybe this will help, in the fridge I found a cucumber
Staring at your boobies words fail me, I can barely speak
Admiring how they've grown into two mountainous peaks
Your fingers now resembling sausages and with feet like a yeti
I'll carry you to the bog to stop you waddling and getting sweaty
I know being pregnant you don't want sex till baby is born
So when you suggest I read a book I reach for some porn
Knowing your not able to ride Big Blue and his long gears
Ive stocked up on enough baked beans to last us for years
Hoping you see after the birth they will be put to good use
And once again we can enjoy carnal pleasure in their juice
Your appetite has gone you no longer crave food
Your huge tummy is grumbling just like your moods
As you look over at me you can see ive gained some weight
I lay nervously wondering what will happen awaiting my fate
To my surprise you arranged and paid a lady to give me a screw
But the whole time I was humping her I was imagining it was you
Your intentions are good but despite all the naughty things she'd do
No one does that thing with the mushy peas or is as kinky as you
I feel guilty that you paid for my fun while you stayed home and knit
So to thank you im adding more inches and giving the tractor a refit
While Im thinking about doing all this I can see on your face
You're not happy me being in bed taking up so much space
Seeing your belly expand like a Zeppelin I know Id better scat
Before your size twelve kicks out at me and you squash me flat
Laying in the room as you pass wind and seductively snore
I wonder how long it will be until our baby can't wait no more
As the night continues and the air is filled with your farty smoke
Suddenly im covered in liquid and you yell out "my waters broke"
Quickly rushing to get dressed you can barely move any more
So to get you in the car in time I have to roll you out the door
Driving so fast like a getaway driver on speed escaping a crime
You keep screaming in my ear I worry if we will get there in time ️xx️xx:):):)
 
MJW1234 said:
As I lay alongside you watching you sleep in bed
Ive noticed you're restless and shaking your head
I know you're getting worried and hear your cries
Moaning in your dreams about your growing size
I know you really want to give yourself a special treat
And im so sorry your pussy is now out of your reach
Desperate to touch yourself as you lay in your slumber
Maybe this will help, in the fridge I found a cucumber
Staring at your boobies words fail me, I can barely speak
Admiring how they've grown into two mountainous peaks
Your fingers now resembling sausages and with feet like a yeti
I'll carry you to the bog to stop you waddling and getting sweaty
I know being pregnant you don't want sex till baby is born
So when you suggest I read a book I reach for some porn
Knowing your not able to ride Big Blue and his long gears
Ive stocked up on enough baked beans to last us for years
Hoping you see after the birth they will be put to good use
And once again we can enjoy carnal pleasure in their juice
Your appetite has gone you no longer crave food
Your huge tummy is grumbling just like your moods
As you look over at me you can see ive gained some weight
I lay nervously wondering what will happen awaiting my fate
To my surprise you arranged and paid a lady to give me a screw
But the whole time I was humping her I was imagining it was you
Your intentions are good but despite all the naughty things she'd do
No one does that thing with the mushy peas or is as kinky as you
I feel guilty that you paid for my fun while you stayed home and knit
So to thank you im adding more inches and giving the tractor a refit
While Im thinking about doing all this I can see on your face
You're not happy me being in bed taking up so much space
Seeing your belly expand like a Zeppelin I know Id better scat
Before your size twelve kicks out at me and you squash me flat
Laying in the room as you pass wind and seductively snore
I wonder how long it will be until our baby can't wait no more
As the night continues and the air is filled with your farty smoke
Suddenly im covered in liquid and you yell out "my waters broke"
Quickly rushing to get dressed you can barely move any more
So to get you in the car in time I have to roll you out the door
Driving so fast like a getaway driver on speed escaping a crime
You keep screaming in my ear I worry if we will get there in time ️xx️xx:):):)
Click to expand...
PMSL soooo funny that :D:D:p:D:p:D
 
I look at the clock and seconds pass
Feeling the fluid run over my ass
Contractions rip through my massive tum
And unable to stop them, farts rip from my bum
"Oh do pardon me" I cry out aloud
Though deep down inside I'm secretly proud
I score that an eight I say to myself
And anyway farting is good for your health
"MJ" I say "why have you stopped?"
"Because my dear wife a tyre has popped,
We're stuck here my love on this muddy track
There's no going forward and no going back"
"Oh MJ you fool, what shall we do"
"Never fear my dear I'll go get Big Blue"
And off he strode into the night
Leaving me there in the pale moonlight
I lay and thought well this is rich
I'm not having my baby here in a ditch
I lay there and shivered, feeling alone
Until an idea hit me, I reached for my fone
A few moments later and Kris stood there
With Amber and Paulie, they made quite a pair
I said "hang on but where are Lakeside and Marty?"
"Oh" said Kris "they went to a party"
Typical! I muttered under my breath
And I'm in the cold catching my death!
"Come on now Amber, wiggle your tush,
Fire up these boys to give me a push
I'm about to give birth, the head is protruding
Don't stand there and gape, I'm seriously brooding"
With much heaving and ho-ing the car moved a bit
I looked down and saw shoulders and thought oh shit
As the menfolk shoved me down the road
With a whoosh I went and delivered my load..
 
Spangle said:
I look at the clock and seconds pass
Feeling the fluid run over my ass
Contractions rip through my massive tum
And unable to stop them, farts rip from my bum
"Oh do pardon me" I cry out aloud
Though deep down inside I'm secretly proud
I score that an eight I say to myself
And anyway farting is good for your health
"MJ" I say "why have you stopped?"
"Because my dear wife a tyre has popped,
We're stuck here my love on this muddy track
There's no going forward and no going back"
"Oh MJ you fool, what shall we do"
"Never fear my dear I'll go get Big Blue"
And off he strode into the night
Leaving me there in the pale moonlight
I lay and thought well this is rich
I'm not having my baby here in a ditch
I lay there and shivered, feeling alone
Until an idea hit me, I reached for my fone
A few moments later and Kris stood there
With Amber and Paulie, they made quite a pair
I said "hang on but where are Lakeside and Marty?"
"Oh" said Kris "they went to a party"
Typical! I muttered under my breath
And I'm in the cold catching my death!
"Come on now Amber, wiggle your tush,
Fire up these boys to give me a push
I'm about to give birth, the head is protruding
Don't stand there and gape, I'm seriously brooding"
With much heaving and ho-ing the car moved a bit
I looked down and saw shoulders and thought oh shit
As the menfolk shoved me down the road
With a whoosh I went and delivered my load..
Click to expand...
Brilliant I love it Spankums I'll reply in due course Xx
 
Spangle said:
I look at the clock and seconds pass
Feeling the fluid run over my ass
Contractions rip through my massive tum
And unable to stop them, farts rip from my bum
"Oh do pardon me" I cry out aloud
Though deep down inside I'm secretly proud
I score that an eight I say to myself
And anyway farting is good for your health
"MJ" I say "why have you stopped?"
"Because my dear wife a tyre has popped,
We're stuck here my love on this muddy track
There's no going forward and no going back"
"Oh MJ you fool, what shall we do"
"Never fear my dear I'll go get Big Blue"
And off he strode into the night
Leaving me there in the pale moonlight
I lay and thought well this is rich
I'm not having my baby here in a ditch
I lay there and shivered, feeling alone
Until an idea hit me, I reached for my fone
A few moments later and Kris stood there
With Amber and Paulie, they made quite a pair
I said "hang on but where are Lakeside and Marty?"
"Oh" said Kris "they went to a party"
Typical! I muttered under my breath
And I'm in the cold catching my death!
"Come on now Amber, wiggle your tush,
Fire up these boys to give me a push
I'm about to give birth, the head is protruding
Don't stand there and gape, I'm seriously brooding"
With much heaving and ho-ing the car moved a bit
I looked down and saw shoulders and thought oh shit
As the menfolk shoved me down the road
With a whoosh I went and delivered my load..
Click to expand...
Foot on the floor going as fast as the car can run
But we are barely moving because you weigh a ton
I notice the contractions are coming much quicker
And gas from your arse is becoming much slicker
One particular windy blast rips out like a gale
Measuring at least a nine on any Richter Scale
I see you smile proud of what you've just done
The car still shaking from this deadly eruption
Farting may be perfectly healthy in the right place
But definitely not when it happens in a tight space
Then it had to happen the car could take no more
It's not one tyre that popped it was actually all four
On a muddy track we grind to a halt unable to move
I look round to say something but I know you'll disapprove
Spankums my dear I'll go back and get us some help
Blaming me for the situation you kick me and I yelp
Limping out of the car i set off down the dark road
Wondering to myself how will I move your heavy load
As I walk reluctantly away I look back at you and worry
Catching a glimpse as you devour some takeaway curry
I think to myself after a week it should still be good to eat
I had forgot to get it out the car and left it on the backseat
I relax thinking a potential intruder can't be a danger or as wild
As an angry two ton lady with flatulence whose expecting a child
Then in the darkness my phone rings and it's Kris on the line
Saying you called and they're on the way and everything's fine
As I run back to you Marty messages me from a party in town
Lakeside had slapped him for asking her to take something down
As I message him why would she as a writer about this bicker
He replied back because he asked her to take down her knickers
Running real fast I arrive back to the car just in time to see
Amber dropping her pants and wiggling her arse in front of me
My blood pressure rose but not as much as Paulie or Kris's did
Because they pushed the car as if possessed and in the mud it slid
Then looking at you straining I knew seeing the head just appear
We had no time to get to a hospital you had to give birth right here
With the boys now building up speed as Amber flashed her tits
I ran and jumped into the car face first into your sweaty armpits
A shoulder appeared as i took your hand but you held me so tight
The blood rushed from my pained face and I began to turn white
As the blood rushed through my body it was quite a shock
When I suddenly felt a swelling and looked down at my cock
As blood flowed into my growing manhood it happened so fast
There was no time to react as it shot straight up your arse
You yelled out in horror shocked at what I had just done
In a blur out shot our child as fast as a bullet from a gun
As he travelled through the air the windscreen out in front
Luckily the umbilical cord pulled baby back just like a bungee jump
Into your arms safely landing we all rushed over wanting to see
Who the little one resembled and who could the father truly be
As we looked on all excited we saw he had a nose just like me
But he also had weird spindly fingers exactly like the alien ET
Then we noticed like PauliePaul he had a full head of silver hair
And surprised as his baby talk was like Marty when he swears
In his hands were double barrel guns just like Kris looking so slick
Finally we looked down and gasped seeing his willy was a gearstick
So now we all smiled realising that the dad to the child is thus
Our newborn child is a mutant combination of everyone of us ️xx:):):)xx
 
MJW1234 said:
Foot on the floor going as fast as the car can run
But we are barely moving because you weigh a ton
I notice the contractions are coming much quicker
And gas from your arse is becoming much slicker
One particular windy blast rips out like a gale
Measuring at least a nine on any Richter Scale
I see you smile proud of what you've just done
The car still shaking from this deadly eruption
Farting may be perfectly healthy in the right place
But definitely not when it happens in a tight space
Then it had to happen the car could take no more
It's not one tyre that popped it was actually all four
On a muddy track we grind to a halt unable to move
I look round to say something but I know you'll disapprove
Spankums my dear I'll go back and get us some help
Blaming me for the situation you kick me and I yelp
Limping out of the car i set off down the dark road
Wondering to myself how will I move your heavy load
As I walk reluctantly away I look back at you and worry
Catching a glimpse as you devour some takeaway curry
I think to myself after a week it should still be good to eat
I had forgot to get it out the car and left it on the backseat
I relax thinking a potential intruder can't be a danger or as wild
As an angry two ton lady with flatulence whose expecting a child
Then in the darkness my phone rings and it's Kris on the line
Saying you called and they're on the way and everything's fine
As I run back to you Marty messages me from a party in town
Lakeside had slapped him for asking her to take something down
As I message him why would she as a writer about this bicker
He replied back because he asked her to take down her knickers
Running real fast I arrive back to the car just in time to see
Amber dropping her pants and wiggling her arse in front of me
My blood pressure rose but not as much as Paulie or Kris's did
Because they pushed the car as if possessed and in the mud it slid
Then looking at you straining I knew seeing the head just appear
We had no time to get to a hospital you had to give birth right here
With the boys now building up speed as Amber flashed her tits
I ran and jumped into the car face first into your sweaty armpits
A shoulder appeared as i took your hand but you held me so tight
The blood rushed from my pained face and I began to turn white
As the blood rushed through my body it was quite a shock
When I suddenly felt a swelling and looked down at my cock
As blood flowed into my growing manhood it happened so fast
There was no time to react as it shot straight up your arse
You yelled out in horror shocked at what I had just done
In a blur out shot our child as fast as a bullet from a gun
As he travelled through the air the windscreen out in front
Luckily the umbilical cord pulled baby back just like a bungee jump
Into your arms safely landing we all rushed over wanting to see
Who the little one resembled and who could the father truly be
As we looked on all excited we saw he had a nose just like me
But he also had weird spindly fingers exactly like the alien ET
Then we noticed like PauliePaul he had a full head of silver hair
And surprised as his baby talk was like Marty when he swears
In his hands were double barrel guns just like Kris looking so slick
Finally we looked down and gasped seeing his willy was a gearstick
So now we all smiled realising that the dad to the child is thus
Our newborn child is a mutant combination of everyone of us ️xx:):):)xx
Click to expand...
Absolutely brilliant and so glad you made it back for the birth daddykins :p:p:p
 
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