Banter Why Are They Single?

Because every date is filled with stories of his hunting and fishing expeditions. If he orders fish, he recounts endless tails of the big one that got away. If he orders pork chops, it reminds him of that wild boar he had to put down because it was charging a family and he saved their lives. If he orders steak, it’s about a cow with mad cow disease rumbling towards a family in a car dangling on a cliff, about to push them over. If it’s a chicken, he recounts the one time he had to put down a velociraptor when he was the warden at Jurassic Park. Don’t even ask what the salad reminds him of .
 
He wears too many hats. It's almost like a Russin doll situation. He takes off his first rather large hat, to reveal a slightly smaller hat, and it goes on for another 10 hat removals, until he gets to one the size of a soda bottle cap. He then insists on being called '10cap shakur' and starts rapping about pot holes on his local highway. What a weirdo
 
He’s the guy that picks his date up and then while they are driving to the restaurant, makes a couple Uber pick ups and drop offs so he can pay for the dinner . Then on the way out of the restaurant, picks up a DoorDash order and drops it off before he drops his date off.
 
She's actually a mermaid. Every time her lover tries to touch her, she turns into foam.

He recites the periodic table of elements every night before going to bed. Sometimes even in his sleep.
 
She insists on riding a bike everywhere. Not just any bike. One of those tandem bikes. Only her “seat” … I a dildo. “What’s wrong with that”, you ask? Ok. When was the last time you ever rode with a person on a tandem bike, who’s moaning with each bump. Shrieking with each orgasm. (She shrieks .. trust me) and not helping pedal? Meanwhile, you are up front pedaling with an erection the whole trip. It’s not fun. And then, to make matters worse, when you get back to dropping her off and you still have that erection you had four hours ago without viagra, because you know you are going to get some from the sexy as @Locket44, she tells you, “Wooo … I am exhausted. *kisses you on the cheek* thank you for the great evening”. And goes into her house. Leaving you on the street with an erection, a soaked dildo second seat and wondering what just happened.
 
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