The problem is your plans are so elaborate, it’s doubtful you will have time to do everything you want and get stuck in a hotel room trying to figure out what to do first…bummer…
You can’t sell it with all the ice cream stains.. that pistachio will never come off.. it’s the size of a small house…dude… kitchen tables are not investments.. time to get the chainsaw out… you know what to do..
The problem is you don’t have any breathable air there! Need to find a store that sells furniture and take a nap in their air conditioning.. tell them the pig sent ya and get 10% off your next purchase.
Problem is you live off the grid and your “freezer” is really just a hole you dug in the ground that you throw ice into once in a while. It would all go bad anyways.