Here's a joke for you. My life! And the punch line? Despite everything I've been through, I die in the end. #stayingpositive!
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blowjob.
I went home happy, telling my mother about how I earned $20 by climbing a tree. Mom responded, "they just wanted to see your panties!" I replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I first took them off!"
I posted this one ages back, so hopefully no one remembers. A women is accused of attacking her husband with several of his guitars. The judge asked the defendant, "First offender?" She replied "No Your Honour, first a Gibson then a Fender." Ls x
A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That’s a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. "As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most – cars and men. Therefore I chose 'Carmen'" "What’s your name?” she asked. He answered "B. J. Titsengolf."
Playing doctors and nurses with the wife last night didn't go well... Especially when I diagnosed her as clinically obese!
A husband and wife are cooing over their new born baby. "Look at the size of his todger," says the man. "It's massive!" "Yes dear," says the wife "At least he has your ears"
Because of the hot weather over the next few days my boss has said we can bring shorts in! Jack Daniels it is then!