happy easter to you too blue and everyone else.
Jokes
- Thread starter Mabal
- Start date
happy easter to you too blue and everyone else.
When Life gives you lemons, shut the door and read 'em all.
A
Andy32
Guest
What does the sign on an out of business brothel say?
- Beat it. We're closed
How did the hipster burn her mouth?
- She ate it before it was cool
- Beat it. We're closed
How did the hipster burn her mouth?
- She ate it before it was cool
DurtySouth
Well-Known Member
3 guys go to a whore house. The madam says “we have a $10 package, $20 package, and a $50 package.” First guy says “I don’t have a lot of money. I’ll take the $10 package.” He goes upstairs and comes back down 10 minutes later with a big smile on his face. The other 2 guys ask him “What’d she do!? What’d she do!?” He said “She put some pineapple on it and whip cream on it and ate it all off.”
The second guy says “That sounds pretty good! I’ll take the $20 package.” He goes upstairs and comes back down 15 minutes later. The other 2 guys ask him “What’d she do!? What’d she do!?” He said “She put some pineapple on it and whip cream on it , some more pineapple and some more whip cream, then ate it all off.”
The third guy says “Wow! That sounds damn good! I want the $50 package!” He goes upstairs and comes back down an hour and a half later. He’s dripping with sweat, limping, and can’t even stand up straight. The other two guys say “Man, you look like shit! What the hell did she do to you!?” He said “Well, she put some pineapple on it and whip cream on it, some more pineapple and some more whip cream, more pineapple and more whip cream, topped it off with a cherry, and it looked so damn good I ate it myself!”
The second guy says “That sounds pretty good! I’ll take the $20 package.” He goes upstairs and comes back down 15 minutes later. The other 2 guys ask him “What’d she do!? What’d she do!?” He said “She put some pineapple on it and whip cream on it , some more pineapple and some more whip cream, then ate it all off.”
The third guy says “Wow! That sounds damn good! I want the $50 package!” He goes upstairs and comes back down an hour and a half later. He’s dripping with sweat, limping, and can’t even stand up straight. The other two guys say “Man, you look like shit! What the hell did she do to you!?” He said “Well, she put some pineapple on it and whip cream on it, some more pineapple and some more whip cream, more pineapple and more whip cream, topped it off with a cherry, and it looked so damn good I ate it myself!”
DurtySouth
Well-Known Member
I think this is a true story. It certainly sounds like something that would actually happen.
A kid came home telling their parents "1+1, that son of a bitch is 2. 2+2, that son of a bitch is 4." The parents asked where they learned that from, and the kid said their teacher.
Furious, the parents called the teacher, who explained to them what she was saying was "1+1, the sum of which is 2."
A kid came home telling their parents "1+1, that son of a bitch is 2. 2+2, that son of a bitch is 4." The parents asked where they learned that from, and the kid said their teacher.
Furious, the parents called the teacher, who explained to them what she was saying was "1+1, the sum of which is 2."
DurtySouth
Well-Known Member
I know this is a true story.
My step dad's brother hid a Santa Clause suit outside. During the family gathering, he said the he though he heard Santa. All the kids got really excited. He grabbed his shotgun, ran out the door, and fired a shot in the air. He ran back inside with the suit in his hand and said "I got him! I shot Santa!" All the kids started crying. The end.
My step dad's brother hid a Santa Clause suit outside. During the family gathering, he said the he though he heard Santa. All the kids got really excited. He grabbed his shotgun, ran out the door, and fired a shot in the air. He ran back inside with the suit in his hand and said "I got him! I shot Santa!" All the kids started crying. The end.
TallulahBlue
Resident
[at gynecologist's office for first time]
ME: *unzipping pants nervously*
GYNECOLOGIST: You're nervous, that's normal, but please zip my pants back up.
ME: *unzipping pants nervously*
GYNECOLOGIST: You're nervous, that's normal, but please zip my pants back up.
TallulahBlue
Resident
(Based on a true story)
BARISTA: Um, I need your name for the cup.
ME: Kacey, with a "K"
*3 minutes later, calling my name*
"CASEK"
BARISTA: Um, I need your name for the cup.
ME: Kacey, with a "K"
*3 minutes later, calling my name*
"CASEK"
TallulahBlue
Resident
I would be shocked if he could spell his own name.
TallulahBlue
Resident
ME: Cosette, it's the fucking mailman. Why do you bark at him every single day?
MY DOG: Jesus, Kacey. Has the mailman ever been able to get inside the fucking house? How can you not appreciate what I'm doing here?!
MY DOG: Jesus, Kacey. Has the mailman ever been able to get inside the fucking house? How can you not appreciate what I'm doing here?!
TallulahBlue
Resident
[megaphone voice coming from police helicopter]
PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR NOW!
*raises hands*
*takes 100 selfies in helicopter spotlight*
*finds the one I like*
*uploads new avatar*
PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR NOW!
*raises hands*
*takes 100 selfies in helicopter spotlight*
*finds the one I like*
*uploads new avatar*
