Jokes

[oldmann50]

View attachment 18040

that's me lol

 

[TallulahBlue]

COP: Do you know why I pulled you over?

ME (taking a huge suck off of a helium balloon): I represent the Lullaby League, the Lullaby League, the Lullaby League. And in the name of the Lullaby League, I wish to welcome you to Munchkinland!

COP: Lol, okay fuck it, you can go!

 

[DurtySouth]

Superman is flying around and spots Wonder Woman sunbathing naked in her back yard. He thinks to himself "I bet with my super speed, I can get a few quick pokes in and she'll never even know what hit her."

He circles around a few times, waiting for the perfect moment, then WWHHOOOOSSSSHHH! BLAM! ZZOOOMMM! He's gone in a flash.

Wonder Woman yells "What the hell was that!?!"

The Invisible Man says "I don't know, but my asshole sure hurts."

 

[TallulahBlue]

HIM: You're not like the other girls.

ME: Yeah, that's pretty much how this works. We're literally all different ones.

 

[CrystalMarker]

HIM: You're not like the other girls.

ME: Yeah, that's pretty much how this works. We're literally all different ones.

THIS!

 

[TallulahBlue]

INTERVIEWER: Tell me one accomplishment which you've recently achieved.

ME: I drank an entire bottle of butter pecan syrup at breakfast the other day.

INT: Haha, okay well I'm being serious.

ME: Oh, you have no idea...

 

[CrystalMarker]

 

[TallulahBlue]

KACEY: I want to welcome y'all to the weekly meeting of the Multiple Personality Club.

KACEY: No one else is here.

KACEY: You're here.

KACEY: I'm here.

KACEY: I'M YOU, STUPID!

KACEY: OK EVERYONE, JUST CALM THE FUCK DOWN!

 

[oldmann50]

did you hear about the irishman that walked into a bar


he knocked himself out

 

[TallulahBlue]

*brings Cool-Whip to bed*

GIRLFRIEND: Oh, yay! We're trying something new!

ME (pulling out a pie): Huh? No, you'll have to get your own.

 

[CrystalMarker]

 

[TallulahBlue]

ME: Sometimes I think I have more imaginary conversations than real ones.

ZOOEY DESCHANEL: That's funny, Kacey! You are hilarious. You always make me smile.

ME: Thanks, Z. So wanna have sex again?

 

[CrystalMarker]

 

[TallulahBlue]

ME (trying to flirt on a blind date): You have to promise not to fall in love with me right away!

*flips hair, a large piece of cheese flies out of it*

HIM: Um, okay, that shouldn't a problem.

 

[CrystalMarker]

 

[Lakeside]

Ls x

 

[Deleted member 178467]

View attachment 18643

Ls x

I need this mug!!

 

[TallulahBlue]

View attachment 18643

Ls x

The. Greatest. Fucking. Coffee. Mug. EVER!!!!!!!!

 

[TallulahBlue]

*Googles "what happens when you accidentally eat an entire roll of raw cookie dough?" *

[10 minutes later]

* "twice?" *

 

[Andy32]

View attachment 18643

Ls x

Love this cup