Shitty ditties...

Spangle said:
You'd be hard pressed to raise a semi in this weather, never mind a child lol

#feckinfreezin
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Haha yes it's too chilly for me to go jogging in my mankini today...plus I don't want to get arrested today for any wardrobe malfunctions as I bound along the road. By the way there's a funny whiff in the air think maybe we better change his nappy soon lol ️xx️xx
 
I'm glad to see you can raise a smile
Unlike you I've been up a while
Our babe it seems does nothing but eat
In fact I've now got a 12inch teat
Don't get me wrong, it makes me happy
Except he has a five tonne nappy
Still I see he has his daddy's nose
The red bulbous look is in I suppose
Paulie's hair of silver grey
And a gob that swears in every way
Kris's guns and spindly fingers
But still in my mind one thought lingers
It may seem strange, it could be drastic
But it seems our boy is made of plastic
Now I realise I forgot to say
That on our fateful wedding day
As I went to the bar to quench my thirst
It was Amberdoll who got in first
And so dear hubby we're far from lucky
It seems we're stuck with little Chucky!

:eek:
 
Spangle said:
I'm glad to see you can raise a smile
Unlike you I've been up a while
Our babe it seems does nothing but eat
In fact I've now got a 12inch teat
Don't get me wrong, it makes me happy
Except he has a five tonne nappy
Still I see he has his daddy's nose
The red bulbous look is in I suppose
Paulie's hair of silver grey
And a gob that swears in every way
Kris's guns and spindly fingers
But still in my mind one thought lingers
It may seem strange, it could be drastic
But it seems our boy is made of plastic
Now I realise I forgot to say
That on our fateful wedding day
As I went to the bar to quench my thirst
It was Amberdoll who got in first
And so dear hubby we're far from lucky
It seems we're stuck with little Chucky!

:eek:
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Genius Spangle love the way you think, I'll reply to this masterpiece when I can ️xx:p:p:p
 
Spangle said:
I'm glad to see you can raise a smile
Unlike you I've been up a while
Our babe it seems does nothing but eat
In fact I've now got a 12inch teat
Don't get me wrong, it makes me happy
Except he has a five tonne nappy
Still I see he has his daddy's nose
The red bulbous look is in I suppose
Paulie's hair of silver grey
And a gob that swears in every way
Kris's guns and spindly fingers
But still in my mind one thought lingers
It may seem strange, it could be drastic
But it seems our boy is made of plastic
Now I realise I forgot to say
That on our fateful wedding day
As I went to the bar to quench my thirst
It was Amberdoll who got in first
And so dear hubby we're far from lucky
It seems we're stuck with little Chucky!

:eek:
Click to expand...
At the moment just raising a smile is all I can do
The last nine months have drained both me and you
I know you were up early I could hear all the sucking
As baby had breakfast and on your teat began to tuck in
Enjoying a feast from your enormous milk filled udder
As I listen to him slurping my body begins to shudder
Not because I don't like what he's doing or can see
But more out of envy as I remember once that was me
What makes it far worse is your teat is now about a foot long
And im having thoughts of my mouth replacing his, is that wrong?
It's good you don't mind changing him but what about the smell
The toxic waste his arse emits regularly is affecting you I can tell
His five tonne nappy is a problem it leaves such a bitter aftertaste
The solution is to wear special clothing and treat it like nuclear waste
Yes im so proud to see he has his daddy's big red hooter
It took me years to develop drinking many whiskey shooters
His silver flowing locks give him a very distinguished air
Sadly thats ruined each time he opens his gob and swears
Inheriting Kris's big guns will help him toughen up as he grows
But im worried about his alien fingers now they've started to glow
Once grown I know that for a partner he'll have plenty from to pick
Not just because he'll inherit our joke book but due to his big gearstick
Don't worry Spankums I know what you did after a bottle of gin
I can clearly see our boys made of plastic and not covered in skin
I knew while at our wedding Amberdoll was going to be your starter
When you were seen in the loo and between her teeth was your garter
Let's face it none of this matters after all im sharing you with a machine
But to keep him looking nice and shiny we better stock up on Mister Sheen
So my dear wife who cares how he happened and I hope you feel the same
At the moment we should be thinking as im not keen on Chucky as his name ️xx:):)xx
 
Spangle said:
I love the stories you stories you tell MJ :p
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And so after many weeks of thinking the big day finally came
Today was the day we will finally give our baby boy his name
Lupine suggested Bob would be good but I didn't think we oughta
With that name i worried he wouldn't keep his head above the water
FallenFreya said Heinz as a name but I thought it was a bit too German
All I could picture was our boy wearing a helmet and driving a Sherman
Russell was hinted by Spangle and she thought she had it in the bag
But when looking into it we saw how flawed it was, that was such a drag
Bobbie was also mentioned but the chances of choosing this was slim
We really were not interested that our child should be named after a pin
As for Marty he's not been seen and at the moment he's missing in action
Hope he's careful and doesn't have a fall and end up with his body in traction
Amberdolls been busy all day trying to seduce Spangles tractor Big Blue
She climbed on board him without any pants and tried to give him a screw
PauliePauls been a bit tied up since to Amberdolls bedroom he was lead
In fact im pretty certain that he's still in there naked handcuffed to her bed
Kris has spent all day creating a new thread with funny minions as the topic
And chasing a rental guy who escaped from his boot cause he forgot to lock it
Even ET was no bloody help he had finally got a signal on his cell phone
The last anyone saw him he was in the air on a bike cycling his way home
It seemed like we were never going to find a name for our handsome little boy
Until Spangle got excited and screamed like she's does with her vibrating toy
Yes yes ive got it she cried out loud and rushed over to the waiting ensemble
The name im giving to our little boy is Bobinz ReadmyprofileyouCock-Womble
️Xx️Xx:):)
 
Bobinz is my name and I'm a happy chap
Sadly all I do right now is eat and take a crap
My daddy's name is MJ, my mummy she is Spangle
Although my daddy's not so sure, he gets into a wrangle
I've heard him call her Splange, sometimes Legpans too
Now he says 'my dear I think Spankums is more you'
I think my daddy's getting old, perhaps a bit confused
Cos there aren't many nicknames left that he has not yet used
I love my daddy though, I believe I've got his nose
Though I'm hoping it will look less red as the damn thing grows
I have three lovely uncles, Kris who crashes cars
Marty who spends all his time hanging out in bars
Paulie is another, but he's quite hard to find
My mum says he likes taking Amber from behind
I don't know what she means though so I pretend to laugh
In fact I laugh a lot at her cos she is rather daft
She took me out on the farm, showed me skies of blue
Then we met a great big tractor, she said 'he's your uncle too'
I didn't understand so I gazed at her with a smile
As she sat upon the tractor and wriggled for a while
I guess I've got a lot to learn, I hope I grow up fast
My mummy's getting on, I don't know how long she'll last
For now I'm happily suckling on my mummy's tit
My dad says 'son shove over, it's my turn for a bit!'

B RMPY C-W :)
 
Spangle said:
Bobinz is my name and I'm a happy chap
Sadly all I do right now is eat and take a crap
My daddy's name is MJ, my mummy she is Spangle
Although my daddy's not so sure, he gets into a wrangle
I've heard him call her Splange, sometimes Legpans too
Now he says 'my dear I think Spankums is more you'
I think my daddy's getting old, perhaps a bit confused
Cos there aren't many nicknames left that he has not yet used
I love my daddy though, I believe I've got his nose
Though I'm hoping it will look less red as the damn thing grows
I have three lovely uncles, Kris who crashes cars
Marty who spends all his time hanging out in bars
Paulie is another, but he's quite hard to find
My mum says he likes taking Amber from behind
I don't know what she means though so I pretend to laugh
In fact I laugh a lot at her cos she is rather daft
She took me out on the farm, showed me skies of blue
Then we met a great big tractor, she said 'he's your uncle too'
I didn't understand so I gazed at her with a smile
As she sat upon the tractor and wriggled for a while
I guess I've got a lot to learn, I hope I grow up fast
My mummy's getting on, I don't know how long she'll last
For now I'm happily suckling on my mummy's tit
My dad says 'son shove over, it's my turn for a bit!'

B RMPY C-W :)
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Aw Mrs S RMPY C-W,
Brilliant as always PMSL, Love the way our little boy can write now, he must take after you, he has your incredible quick thinking wit and ability to make me laugh so much. Daddykins will reply soon...once he gets out of the loo and cleans himself up...hope you remembered the bog roll Spankums? ️Xx️Xx:):)
 
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