Banter Why Are They Single?

He actually doesn't do too badly on the date, at least until it's time to get weird in the bedroom. At which point the most commonly uttered question from his date is: "WHY THE FUCK DOES IT HAVE MANDIBLES?!?".
 
Because he only has eyes for one pillow.
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Because she snorts when she laughs and really chews here food loudly. Other than that, she is a fine catch. Oh … and she just loves sitting against subway walls to think and clear her mind. Other than that … she’s amazing. Oh … and she pees with the toilet seat up. Not sure how or how I even know that. Other than that … fantastic girl.
 
Because he stands on a street corner and holds a cardboard sign asking “who wants to go on a date with me. You pay”. Very odd. He’s not even homeless but you wouldn’t know.
 
Pays only on dates which he picks up on the streets holding signs that say “who wants to go on a date with me. You pay," which always turn out to be a scam.
 
Oddly enough he is a charming fella. He opens the doors for his dates. Pulls there seats out. Very engaging in conversation. Only odd thing he burps after every sentence. Almost like he’s nervous so he has to say “excuse me” after every sentence he utters. Kind of cute funny at first but then it be comes annoying. Just odd …
 
She treats every date like it’s role playing. Only her dates don’t know what’s going on. She’ll show up dressed as a nun. Next time will be a nurse. Then a cheerleader. My favorite was when she showed up for dinner dressed as dominatrix with a strap on. Oh man … what a fun night that was. Ummmm … I mean at least that’s what I heard. Yep.
 
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